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Original poster

My ex puts his new gf children in boot of car

40 replies

Leannedunn123 · 26/07/2021 08:21

Hi everyone. I'm finding it hard to co parent with the father of our 2 children. We have a 4 and 6 year old. We have been separated 14 months.
For the first 13 months he has been picking and choosing whenever he wants to see his children, days, nights, weekends, couple of hours here and there. It got to the point I couldn't work and so we went to mediation.
We have had in place for the last 4 weeks an agreement where he picks them up on Friday morning, has then Friday and Saturday nights and I have them back at 5 on Sunday so I can work. CSA has now dropped from £77 to £55 which I was happy with as they get to see their dad but I have found out he has been leaving them with his girlfriend while he's at work and goes shopping to make up his money now he pays me less. He drops them off late also. The children sleep in his girlfriends bed while him and his girlfriend sleep on the air bed downstairs. My ex hasn't been taking them to their swimming lessons on a Sunday either even though I am paying for them.
His girlfriend has 2 children also so there is 6 of them altogether and they take it in turns to put 1 child in the boot of the car to not have to take 2 cars when they go out.
My children always come back with sore bottoms because they are embarrassed to ask for a bit of help with the toilet when need be so they sit in a mess on occasions. He doesn't read or do their homework and tbh I'm sick and tired of it. He promised the children would sleep at his mum's house where I know they are round the corner, local and safe but he has left them round his girlfriend again. I have told him I am cutting contact because he isn't spending time with them.
I messaged his mum and said if you would like to pop in and see them at any time you are welcome. But she has messaged back saying if you won't let my son see them then she doesn't want to see them. I was shocked.. any advice if anyone has experience something like this? Am I being unfair

OP posts:
ODFOD21 · 26/07/2021 14:55

I think you could be charged equally with neglect if you know this goes on and do nothing about it!

Couchbettato · 26/07/2021 15:00

I would make sure you've got it in writing OP. His admission to putting kids in the boot. And not helping his child when they've soiled.

And then I'd be going and finding a bloody good solicitor.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/07/2021 15:15

Oh my god, imagine if the car was involved in an accident with a car going into the back of him. Shock
I would report this to the police, as others have said, it is incredibly stupid, risky and illegal.

Greenrubber · 26/07/2021 15:16

I'm so sorry OP but you can't allow the kids to continue going there!
It sounds awful
I would definitely report the car boot thing to the police! What if they got into an accident it's just so careless

That's not how children should be brought up and the Mil is a arse also!

They sound like they woube better off without him to be honest

Viviennemary · 26/07/2021 15:18

I would report him to the police.

Manonymous · 26/07/2021 15:19

Putting a child in the boot is illegal, dangerous and abusive. Write down dates that you know for sure he has done it. You can't let him take the kids again knowing that's going on. Are you going to report it to the police?

TheOrigRights · 26/07/2021 15:27

I thought you meant the boot of an estate car, which of course would be illegal, but you mean the boot of a saloon? So they are in the dark, and probably terrified.

diddl · 26/07/2021 15:28

I can't see the problem with a 4yr old & 6yr old sleeping together in presumably a double bed, nor him leaving them with his GF whilst he works.

Although I would have thought that would have been rather an emergency rather than regular thing as surely the whole point of them going there is to see their dad?

If not you might as well have them full time & pay a babysitter when necessary!

I think the fact that they come back with dirty bottoms is awful.

Why would they be embarrassed to ask their dad for help?

As for the boot thing-Shock

RedMarauder · 26/07/2021 15:28

You need to message your ex-MIL that if she wants to see her grandchildren then ask her son. Oh and your son has them this weekend until Sunday at 5pm like every weekend. (Or whatever your arrangement is.)

Then block her. You shouldn't be talking to her if she thinks you are preventing contact as it will just cause arguments you don't need staying in contact with her.

As the others have said report the car boot issue to the police, teach your kids to wipe their bums and with the rest of it don't rise.

icelollycraving · 26/07/2021 15:30

I remember in the 70/80s people putting me and my friend in the boot. Beggars belief!
I’d not facilitate them going. They’d have a lot of colds and tummy bugs.
If I did, I’d probably watch the car from a distance and call the police when I saw them travelling I safely.
With regard to their homework (how much do they have at 4/6?) do what a pp suggested and put ‘at dad’s’ on the work, or let the teacher know.
With their sore bottoms, this would make me really cross. Many children can’t wipe properly and need a bit of help. Can you give the children wipes and some nappy bags to put them in?
The children probably won’t want to go soon and he may well have more kids with the new girlfriend. Yours may then lose their appeal sadly.
Keep that text from mil.
Your children are lucky to have one parent trying to do their best.

BlueLobelia · 26/07/2021 15:34

stop contact. Let him take you to court if he chooses. If that happens tell the CAFCASS officer (the social worker assigned to advise the court in every contact case) what you have told us and see him face the fallout.

He is a fucking disgrace.

Fetasalad · 26/07/2021 15:35

The car boot thing fair enough to take issue with. Report to police. The other stuff looks like you're going out of your way to stop the children having a relationship with their dad. They have two parents. He might not patent examiners

Fetasalad · 26/07/2021 15:36

Stupid phone...

He may not parent exactly as you'd want him to, but the other stuff does not warrant you stopping contact.

BlueLobelia · 26/07/2021 15:36

Also, please do not let them go to him at all now you know about the boot thing. If the shit hits the fan you will be done for 'failure to protect' and that will give you a whole level of shit you do not need.

Canigooutyet · 26/07/2021 15:43

I would report them for the boot thing to police and social services. That's horrific.

Cannot get worked up about the sleeping arrangements, have done similar in the past when needed at that age. What would the alternative be? One in the sofa and one on a chair? On the floor? Separate blow up mattress?

Homework not a massive deal.

Missing out on lessons etc is common when parents split I would look to change the days of weekend activities.

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