Break-up - my heart hurts.

[Eeiliethya]

We've called time on it today.

We've been together for 10 years, relationship became very unhealthy in the last 2. Neither of us were happy, we just couldn't face the thought of not being together anymore.

We aren't married, rent, so all easy enough admin wise.

We have a 4 year old girl, she keeps asking me where he is. He left this morning, gone to his mums. We haven't spoken since he left with his stuff. His own family aren't that close to him, and my family became his family. I feel like I'm taking that away from him and I'm worried he won't have the same level of support as I've got. I just want to know he's ok but I can't call him yet because as soon as I hear his voice I'll be telling him to come back, which will make me feel better in the short-term but won't be long before we're miserable again.

I know we are doing what's best for us all, but my heart is breaking. It feels like grief. I can't breathe, I don't know what to say to DD. She's in my bed tonight, which is a bad habit to start but I can't face the half-empty bed.

I've felt alright all day, optimistic, confident we're making the right choice blah blah. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks, really did come out of nowhere.

Please can you share your positive break up stories? Any words of advice? I've never broken up with anybody before, I don't even know where to start trying to navigate these feelings

Don't panic, I didn't want to read and run.
He will probably be in touch in the next few days, you say it has just hit you like a ton of bricks, I know that feeling. If all the practicalities point to the fact that you have done the right thing, it still doesn't help your heart to heal when you think of the good times. Just be kind to yourself and your daughter, and be as honest to her as you can when explaining his absence. You will have days when you feel down and wonder if you have done the right thing, but you say yourself if he came back, it won't be long before you are miserable again. You have to go through the grief and anger to appreciate coming through to the other side. Just give yourself time, stay strong and please post here when you need to. I hope you have a positive update this time next year.

So sorry OP, break ups can be so painful. I’m in a better place than I was with one that happened 6 months ago, that I though might almost destroy me. I don’t usually read self-help but a book a friend gave me that actually really helped and is humorous too in a good way is: ‘It’s Called a Break Up Because it’s Broken’. Seek lots of support from your friends/plan in doing nice things with them. Sending hugs xx

Grieve for your relationship don't hold it in. You have a right to be sad, hurt etc etc. As for your family and him sorry its not your job to be his support network he needs to find his own. Take time and take it one day at a time. Time is a healer but by God it hurts.