Partner doesn’t want to get married

[Kay1908]

So my partner has said he doesn’t believe in marriage and doesn’t want to get married, he knew I want to eventually but I also don’t want to book my wedding anytime soon.

We’ve been together 4 years this September.

Whenever the topic of rings came up, as in if we walked passed a jewellers and I said I’d love something like this he’d always so “one day” but has now said doesn’t want to marry.

We have a 9 month old and I feel so conflicted.
We haven’t had sex since baby was conceived! (As he didn’t like the thought of having sex whilst I was pregnant) so I’m in a sexless relationship and I don’t even have a ring.

We bought a house together less than a month ago and have ordered furniture but feel this was a mistake! Has anyone else gone through this I’m so upset I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel like I can be with him in a sexless relationship and no long term commitment in sight..:

@orangejuicer surely if your DP is the primary carer for your child, if the relationship breaks down, you would need to leave the home, leaving your child with XP, and pay child maintenance?

[quote Solasum]@orangejuicer surely if your DP is the primary carer for your child, if the relationship breaks down, you would need to leave the home, leaving your child with XP, and pay child maintenance?[/quote]
No chance would that be happening.

@NowEvenBetter

‘Having a child is a bigger commitment than marriage’ 😂 nope. Having a child is a commitment to that kid only. Marriage is a legally binding contract between two adults. Too many women fall for that nonsense cliche and then act shocked when they have nowhere to live when their boyfriend dumps them, and have no pension, no career prospects after discarding her job to raise a kid for a man who ‘doesn’t believe in’ ‘just a piece of paper’ ‘our kid is more of a commitment’.

Agree with this.

He left the building a long time ago. I never dated anybody longer than a year once I was in my late twenties. I wanted to get married and have a baby in that order.
I’d move on if I were you.

Is it commitment you want, or a wedding?
Is it commitment he doesn't want, or a wedding?
Suppose he be happy with a £50 registration of a civil partnership. Would you be?

No chance would that be happening

Sorry @orangejuicer just wondering, if it was possible for your ex DH to continue to provide daycare, you would take your child from what it knows as it daily childcare with its father, to put it in childcare with someone else, it doesn't know while you work?

That just sounds like it would be out of bitterness and point scoring not what's best for the child ?

Any particular reason why you had a child with this man before marriage? I mean you have already done the most important thing a married couple can do...

OP it all depends on whether it's that important to you.
I know lots of couples who are happy not to marry even after kids, buying houses, dogs, second homes as it suits the both of them.

As soon as you are unhappy you need to find out why he doesn't want to get married,surely that the important discussion

@rubbletrouble

No chance would that be happening

Sorry @orangejuicer just wondering, if it was possible for your ex DH to continue to provide daycare, you would take your child from what it knows as it daily childcare with its father, to put it in childcare with someone else, it doesn't know while you work?

That just sounds like it would be out of bitterness and point scoring not what's best for the child ?

I know what you mean, sorry I probably replied in haste!

DS will be going to nursery soon so less of an issue but no I wouldn't take him from his father and our relationship was built on friendship first so I wouldn't do that to him.

DS would probably live me though (which I think is what I meant originally).

@rubbletrouble

OP it all depends on whether it's that important to you. I know lots of couples who are happy not to marry even after kids, buying houses, dogs, second homes as it suits the both of them.

As soon as you are unhappy you need to find out why he doesn't want to get married,surely that the important discussion

I agree, is marriage a deal breaker for you?

@Ginger1982

There are so many threads like this. Why choose to have kids before marriage of marriage is a dealbreaker for you? I just don't get it.

You need to give him an ultimatum about the marriage situation. The sexless thing is a whole other issue.

Exactly. I've never understood it. Marriage simply can't be that important to women like this otherwise you wouldn't be living with him, buying a house, having his baby before marriage. Literally letting him have EVERYTHING he would have in a marriage but with absolutely none of the commitment. Sends a big fat clear message to the man that your "I want to be married" words mean absolutely nothing. If marriage isn't a priority for you, why should it be for him?

He doesn't want marriage and he doesn't seem to want sex. In your shoes i would tell him, i want sex, i want marriage, if you don't, sling your hook.