Should I be hiding how I feel?

[Moshiii]

I have seen a porn page on my partners phone. He only started following this page recently. It's something I have never agreed with and he knows this. I expressed to him how I feel and have been told I'm insecure & paranoid and I shouldn't be looking on his phone in the first place. He said what's the need to bring it up and I should just keep my mouth shut. I'm apparently just looking for an argument. Just because he sees nothing wrong with it, it does not mean I should bite my tongue and not say how I feel.

He denies looking at it and said it was a gaming page when it wasn't and saying it's a put off that I am even bringing it up.

What does everyone make out of this?

He's dismissive of your feelings and he's crossing boundaries you're not comfortable with.

You don't trust him or you wouldn't be looking at his phone.

I'd be furious for 2 reasons: the porn and him telling me to shut my mouth

Why were you looking at his phone?

The problem began when he did things that made you want to look at his phone. What compelled you to look?

And with regard to your thread title, you shouldn't be with a partner who makes you feel that you should hide your feelings.

You can say you’re unhappy with it but really… it’s just porn and this is really about your insecurities. He’s now lying to avoid drama.

I enjoy porn too but only want to sleep with my DH.

Chuck him

No one is wrong here. If you disagree with porn and he doesn’t then you’re incompatible. And clearly you don’t trust him if you’re going through his phone. Just leave.

I don't think you should hide how you feel, no.

But I think the bigger issues here are that you felt the need to check his phone, and he calls you insecure and paranoid and says you should keep your feelings to yourself. And you think he was lying about what he was looking at.

Even if you accept that it's OK to have different views on porn (and only you can say if this is a deal-breaker for you), the other stuff is worrying and suggests you aren't in a healthy relationship anyway.

He sounds like someone to immediately dump.

@premium77

No one is wrong here. If you disagree with porn and he doesn’t then you’re incompatible. And clearly you don’t trust him if you’re going through his phone. Just leave.

Exactly. You’ve told him you don’t like it but he does. If it’s a deal breaker it’s over sister.

He has done something he knows you dislike, lied aboutbit, and is turning the issue around on you by saying you are the one in the wrong because you have feelings about it and have daref to communicate them. He has in fact turned it round on you so effectively that you are questioning your right to tell your partner how you feel about something, over his obligation, as s partner, to care about you.

If uou accept this, chances are it will happen again every time he can't be bothered to behave well towards you: he will blame you for daring to call out his shittines s and you will end up blaming yourself, and possibly even thinking you are lucky he puts up with you.

Despite ehat purple says above, ig is s legitimate view, and one I share, that porn is not acceptable for s number of reasons to dobwith its role in your relationship, in the framing of expectations around sex and sexual behaviour, and the circumstances of its production.

You are absolutely entitled to say you don't want your partner using it. You may unfortunately have to find another partner, one who agrees with you about this.