DH unhappy at work/ power struggles at home

[micegg]

DH works f/t and is the main earner whilst i work p/t. We have a DD aged 2 and another on the way. Despite being in what is probably considered to be a good job it is in truth dead end in terms of earning potential and career prospects. Its also a pretty unpleasant place to work as very competitive etc. However, i have resigned myself to this as its reasonably well paid and p/t and flexible. DH has as good as told me that he wants me to make more effort to earn more money whilst also complaining that he shoudlnt be doing any house work seeing as I am p/t and he is f/t . Seems to me he wants a career woman, earning loads of money who also does all the house work and is able to drop everything to look after DCs at the same time.

This is all starting to worry me becaus I am due to be on mat leave soon. The last time I was on mat leave DH and I went through a rough patch. There was resentment from him because I wasnt working and resentment from me because I felt trapped at home. I just feel like we are on the slippery slope again.

Would your DH like the opportunity to work part time? Or does he just not realise how much work you are actually doing on the days you are at home?
What I mean is it sounds like he is resentful of something - is it that he would like more options and feels trapped into working full time (in which case can you make this work for him?). Or does he need a quick lesson in how hard it is to do much else when you are looking after a toddler all day, in which case can you go off for the weekend and leave him in charge?!

Could you have a more open discussion about your goals for your family (how much money you need, how you want to spend your time, what you want for your children etc) and work backwards from there.

As for housework I work part-time and do more of the housework than DH, but only based on what I can fit into a day looking after a toddler. Anything that needs doing in the evening or at weekends is shared. The way I look at it we are both working full time but only some of my time is paid. And the housework still has to be done!

Thanks for your reply. I think DH feels trapped because we really need the money he brings in. He does know how hard it is with a toddler around but not to the full extent. Going away for the w/e might be a good idea. TBH its all been a bit of a wake up call as for a long time I have felt undervalued at work. Its made me realise how much confidence I had lost in my abiliites. I had written myslef off as going no where now that we have children but some of what DH says is true. We talked today and he said he could see me doing well and being able to earn good money but it will never happen where I am. We have pretty much agreed for me to stay put for now as I am due on mat leave in 2 months anyway and then hope for a career break. I will use this time to review what else I could do.