Over the last few days I've been back in touch with an ex from 20 years ago. We had a fairly intense relationship for 6 mths or so but it ended as we were at different stages (I was just finishing uni and he was still partying and not entirely on the right side of the law). No contact between us since it ended until now. He says he's single now, nothing on his social media to suggest otherwise.
I've been together with my DH for 13 years, married for 8 with a DD(4). I suspect he has been unfaithful a few times over the years and he definitely had an emotional affair with someone a few years ago while they were working away together as I saw the messages (he's in the military), maybe a physical affair but he denies that and I've no way of ever knowing the truth. We had some counselling back then which helped a bit and we talked more but he's still flirty by nature and has his head turned easily I think. I stayed with him because it seemed we had repaired enough and I've never had any firm evidence of any other infidelity.
Generally we're in an ok place relationship wise, we rub along fine, manage family life fairly well together and he is a lovely, engaged dad with our DD. Not especially emotionally close though and he is not one for chatting.
But...I'm enjoying being back in touch with my ex and, while I know I'm on dangerous ground, I can't shake the thought that it's 'my turn' to have a bit of fun. Feels very immature to write that but it's true. I've been the smug, pious sensible one in our marriage, not ever following up on any flirtations because of the risk they posed to our relationship but something has shifted now. It's a kind of 'if you can't beat em, join em' mentality which doesn't seem the best basis for a healthy relationship.
Can it be my turn for a while or do I have to be sensible and mature and put a stop to this? Messages are just chats and a bit of reminiscing, nothing sexual and no photos or anything but some of the old feelings are there. Please help MN, WWYD?