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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband won't accept it's over

8 replies

lemonadecar · 24/07/2021 21:52

This is a difficult one. From the outside it probably seems like we have an ok relationship, but things have never been good. A pattern of abuse started at the beginning (10yrs) that has been there ever since, only I've covered it up. I put extra effort in with the kids and made things seem normal. I don't know why. I think I felt it was my only option.

After several recent incidents I know I need to leave. I have said we need to break up to my H. He refused to really accept it, refused to leave when I asked, but moreover he has sought to sweep it under the carpet, and has by ignoring what I said managed to make things operate nearly as normal. I would need him to leave the house while I work things out for a while. To be clear he has shouted at me irrationally a lot about this, not been calm, but now is pretending it's life as normal. He is manipulative and deceitful, and very abusive.

I feel inside my heart like I left, I feel like my final line was crossed and I said my piece, but he is here acting as if things are normal. I have nowhere to go, no family. I am reluctant to just leave to nowhere with the kids.

Does anyone have experience of this? I thought that if you told someone it was over they might take it seriously.

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 24/07/2021 21:54

I found a rental and exh still didn't believe I was leaving. Even on moving day..
Seek legal advice op.. He can't stop you filing for divorce.. Even if you are still living there...

lemonadecar · 24/07/2021 21:55

@30degreesandmeltinghere And how did it pan out? Did he become very acrimonious with the kids?

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 24/07/2021 22:00

Very badly. I left with nothing. I didn't fight for the house. But spent 4 years fighting over my dc - not our dc.. He did tell the dc I was evil and a prostitute!! Was very tough. Seek legal advice before he has much idea you mean business..

lemonadecar · 24/07/2021 22:13

Ok, thank you for the advice. I'm so sorry you've been through all that.

OP posts:
ImbarbaraB · 24/07/2021 22:16

My exh was the same

I felt like I’d been trying to separate properly for over a year,

I just waited until he went to work one morning, packed what I could in my car and moved into my parents and never saw him again

30degreesandmeltinghere · 24/07/2021 22:18

I had the 'last laugh' as it were when the younger dc turned 12 +14 then went nc with him. The oldest dc often told me he knew df hated me more than he loved them. Sadly he was too brainwashed and I haven't seen him for a few years...

lemonadecar · 24/07/2021 22:22

@ImbarbaraB Glad you got free! I'm assuming you didn't have kids though...

OP posts:
Michelle442 · 16/01/2023 15:05

Hi my husband has cheated on me in the past for 2 years I told him it was over but he wouldn't accept it he confessed he had done this as he was so frustrated and has always had a high sex drive. I have a very low sex drive. He promised to change and I decided to give him a second chance ....well happy to say 5 years on we haven't looked back and he has remained faithful any problems we have now we talk it out and know exactly where we are. People can change so don't give up so glad we worked things out.....it didn't happen over night and it took years for me to trust him again..

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