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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you think?

40 replies

Mummybear886 · 24/07/2021 20:42

Yesterday morning I asked my partner if he wanted intercourse before I woke the children up for school, he said no because he was drunk so I thought fair enough. I got back from taking them to school and he was asleep with his phone next to him which he never does, so I took a look and noticed he was watching porn yesterday morning. Last night he came to bed and we was getting intermate and he couldn't get a hard on, he said it was because he was hungover. What would you think it could of been? Or did he just not want it with me? It's being playing on my mind all day.

OP posts:
JustAnotherOldMan · 25/07/2021 10:09

Jeez, he needs to stop using using the porn and pay more attention to his wife,
OP, has he seeking an medical advice for 30 minutes to get an erection and the PE, is he overweight or got any other health issues?

Mummybear886 · 25/07/2021 10:13

@JustAnotherOldMan

Jeez, he needs to stop using using the porn and pay more attention to his wife, OP, has he seeking an medical advice for 30 minutes to get an erection and the PE, is he overweight or got any other health issues?
It's not usually like this, it's only started in the last couple of days. No he's not over weight and doesn't have any health issues.
OP posts:
JustAnotherOldMan · 25/07/2021 11:11

That’s not too bad then, most men will suffer from failure in the bedroom at some point, you could ask him to cut down on the masturbation a bit that might and there are treatments for PE (condoms, creams, sprays etc), that can help make intercourse last longer if you feel that’s an issue for you

onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/ad/treat-premature-ejaculation?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyrz-xP398QIVxbHtCh17xw9hEAAYAiAAEgIvXfD_BwE

Good luck

Mummybear886 · 25/07/2021 11:38

@JustAnotherOldMan

That’s not too bad then, most men will suffer from failure in the bedroom at some point, you could ask him to cut down on the masturbation a bit that might and there are treatments for PE (condoms, creams, sprays etc), that can help make intercourse last longer if you feel that’s an issue for you

onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/ad/treat-premature-ejaculation?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyrz-xP398QIVxbHtCh17xw9hEAAYAiAAEgIvXfD_BwE

Good luck

Thank you so much
OP posts:
JovialNickname · 25/07/2021 11:56

I don't really think he's done anything wrong, he was drunk/hungover so didn't have the energy or inclination to bounce about or put in the effort for a full session (sounds mean but OP you did say he only drinks like this once a year?) But later wanted a quick release so sorted himself out.

Not ideal but don't think it's the worst thing in the world, if it's once in a blue moon!

Mummybear886 · 25/07/2021 12:02

@JovialNickname

I don't really think he's done anything wrong, he was drunk/hungover so didn't have the energy or inclination to bounce about or put in the effort for a full session (sounds mean but OP you did say he only drinks like this once a year?) But later wanted a quick release so sorted himself out.

Not ideal but don't think it's the worst thing in the world, if it's once in a blue moon!

It's not tho the drinking is but he watches porn alot and says he's too tired or not horny to have it with me.
OP posts:
Anothernick · 25/07/2021 12:25

If this has only been going on for a couple of days then it's too soon to worry about it. As @JustAnotherOldMan has said, most of us men have difficulty performing sometimes. It's usually down to stress and it doesn't normally last long, couple of weeks at the most in my case.

You should certainly not see this as reflection on you. But I would be a tad concerned if he is masturbating regularly and then finds it difficult to get hard with you, it would help him return to normal service if he held off the wanking for a while.

Mummybear886 · 25/07/2021 12:31

@Anothernick

If this has only been going on for a couple of days then it's too soon to worry about it. As *@JustAnotherOldMan* has said, most of us men have difficulty performing sometimes. It's usually down to stress and it doesn't normally last long, couple of weeks at the most in my case.

You should certainly not see this as reflection on you. But I would be a tad concerned if he is masturbating regularly and then finds it difficult to get hard with you, it would help him return to normal service if he held off the wanking for a while.

Last time I mentioned that I've noticed he's being watching porn, he said he thinks it's best if we break up because he's got no privacy and it's his body so he can do what he wants with it. So I don't want to discuss it with him.
OP posts:
ThePurplePalace · 25/07/2021 12:32

He sounds like a manipulative toad.

Orgasmagorical · 25/07/2021 12:42

OP, read over your posts again, look at the number of things you're putting up with or avoiding dealing with, is he really worth all that? Your self esteem will be getting lower with every incident Flowers

Mummybear886 · 25/07/2021 12:57

@Orgasmagorical

OP, read over your posts again, look at the number of things you're putting up with or avoiding dealing with, is he really worth all that? Your self esteem will be getting lower with every incident Flowers
I've definitely got alot of thinking to do but I don't want to give up that easily without trying to make it work first, probably give it a few weeks and go from there
OP posts:
YellowEllis · 25/07/2021 13:02

On the surface there isn't anything wrong with watching porn but too many men are addicted and begin watching more and more extreme things until normal PIV sex with an actual women doesn't do it anymore. There have been a couple of men in their mid/late twenties I've slept with who can't finish through sex anymore, only through porn and masturbation. My friends the same age have the same stories. It's sad really, and will only get worse with porn being more and more readily available for young people to find.

Orgasmagorical · 25/07/2021 13:16

I've definitely got alot of thinking to do but I don't want to give up that easily without trying to make it work first, probably give it a few weeks and go from there

Try to keep your boundaries as they are now, preferably higher, and see how you go. I wish you well Flowers

Mummybear886 · 25/07/2021 13:17

@Orgasmagorical

I've definitely got alot of thinking to do but I don't want to give up that easily without trying to make it work first, probably give it a few weeks and go from there

Try to keep your boundaries as they are now, preferably higher, and see how you go. I wish you well Flowers

Thank you!
OP posts:
JustAnotherOldMan · 25/07/2021 13:28

It's not tho the drinking is but he watches porn alot and says he's too tired or not horny to have it with me.

This changes things, initially it seemed like you were worried about a single failure, but if prefers porn over you and doesn’t want to change / discussion then you probably need to rethink the relationship, sorry

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