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Original poster

Advice needed

18 replies

confused1974 · 24/07/2021 12:43

I met someone OLD pre-COVID. We saw each other a few times, had a snog or two but nothing else. I can't remember why things ended but it was all fairly amicable.

He got in touch again a few weeks ago and we met twice (the second time we kissed). He invited me for dinner at his place tonight where I think sex will happen

There's been very little build up, he said he wants "nice nights out and good sex" but no relationship which I think is fine for me (I want one at some point but not now).

Thing is he hasn't texted at all today, although I'm sure the date is still on.

Is this what a FWB relationship is like? I am sure the sex will be good, he's good looking and as I said we've snogged in the past but I kind of expected something different

What would you advise?

OP posts:
Motnight · 24/07/2021 12:45

It's a bit bizarre that you can't remember why things ended last time.

bluebell34567 · 24/07/2021 12:52

he is after a fwb.
what do you want?

Original poster
confused1974 · 24/07/2021 12:52

I asked him and he also said we simply stopped texting each other (this wasn't COVID related at all), sometimes things just fizzle out

OP posts:
Original poster
confused1974 · 24/07/2021 12:53

@bluebell34567 I wouldn't even mind a FWB but maybe with more passion? I remember when before first time sex there was so much excitement etc

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 24/07/2021 12:55

@confused1974
I would run a mile tbh, if its only sex and dinners he wants with you how many other women is he only having sex and dinner with, you could end up with anything and I would never want to be used like that don't lower your standards and respect yourself or he deffo won't, you could catch feeling and like you said you don't want anything to serious not yet anyway but by his words that will never happen with him save yourself heartache and just walk away.

category12 · 24/07/2021 12:56

If you're not excited and happy about it, then don't bother.

Justmuddlingalong · 24/07/2021 12:57

I think your expectations of a fwb relationship differ from his.

Original poster
confused1974 · 24/07/2021 12:58

@Babyghirl he said we would be exclusive, I have no way to know whether that's true. And I am totally aware of standards etc but I don't think I have the mental capacity for a full blown relationship now so something less intense would be nice. But I definitely don't want to be used (or better I don't want to FEEL that I'm being used)

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 24/07/2021 12:59

this ---> I think your expectations of a fwb relationship differ from his.
and it will upset you.

WhoDidAndWhy · 24/07/2021 13:03

The thing is, although you say you’re ok with a FWB arrangement you’re in knots about his level of contact today and how you feel about that. So I can’t see this working for you. You have different expectations. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t let yourself get hurt in this.

Original poster
confused1974 · 24/07/2021 13:04

I've never had a FWB or casual sex in my life, not even in my youth.

This shows me why, I am clearly unprepared for that. I think he's nice and good looking but I don't feel much excitement about the situation. I guess I will pass, just tell him I've changed my mind, he's so relaxed that he won't really mind or care

OP posts:
category12 · 24/07/2021 13:08

But I definitely don't want to be used (or better I don't want to FEEL that I'm being used)

You wouldn't feel used if you were actively excited about seeing him for dinner & sex and that's all you wanted yourself. Because you'd be "using him" as much as he's "using" you.

If you're just doing because it's all he's offering, then you will feel used.

Pixissmoke · 24/07/2021 13:12

I don't understand the obsession with texting. You've made a date for this evening, if you're not feeling it then you can cancel it. If you want a FWB then you can set your own terms and criteria for such a person/arrangement, ones that you feel comfortable with. Don't go along with it if you're not happy.

Original poster
confused1974 · 24/07/2021 13:12

@category12 decision made (I guess I had already made it, but mumsnet helped me consolidate my thoughts). I've just texted him . As I said, I'm sure he won't be upset but I feel totally relieved. I don't really want casual sex not now and not ever.

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 24/07/2021 14:06

@confused1974
Hope that did not come a cross as rude to u was not meant to at all,
I just know people who have had these arrangements and fallen in deep and left out to dry and heart broke but before the heartbreak doing everything on his demand as she did not want to loss him and wanted to be the one for him, 💚

Original poster
confused1974 · 24/07/2021 14:34

@Babyghirl you definitely didn't come across as rude and didn't offend me, I had doubts already but this confirmed. I am also OLD but I haven't met anyone and I thought this man could offer me a friendship and something more for a while. But it's not what I want so I'll pass.

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 24/07/2021 15:03

@confused1974
You will meet someone who will what everything with you from the start, all the best with the future.

billy1966 · 24/07/2021 15:09

Good decision OP, best of luck.Flowers

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