Why is DP sometimes like this

[rainbowfairylights]

DP by nature is a quiet person however recently her quietness has changed from just being her to being quite blunt and snappy when she does talk, which makes me feel like shit. When I ask if something's wrong, she says 'nothing' in the most pissed off voice ever, and then continues to keep speaking to me like this.

Is this a normal way to treat someone? It's starting to really grate on my confidence - my logic is that if she's not in a bad mood, then she must really dislike me to speak to me like that. It's happening more often than not now, and she doesn't respond well to me trying to talk to her about it, either she tells me I'm being ridiculous or says that she's just a quiet person. As mentioned - she is quiet, but there's a difference between being quiet and not being very nice!

Also, we're both women. We've been together for just over two years. This behaviour began about a month ago. Any thoughts welcome.

@rainbowfairylights

Asked about having a wee chat and she's busy watching the football so I guess we'll speak later

Really quite fed up with this today. Very close to just throwing in the towel but losing any of our animals is scaring me a bit - I couldn't live somewhere dog friendly as we rent and I couldn't afford a rental big enough for me and two dogs so I'll lose them at the very least, plus probably the cat that is very attached to DP, even though he was initially my cat who I literally rescued from the street.

Couldn't you ask her to leave?

I couldn't live somewhere dog friendly as we rent and I couldn't afford a rental big enough for me and two dogs so I'll lose them at the very least, plus probably the cat that is very attached to Dp

You're finding excuses to not leave. Loads of landlords accept dogs.

Sorry if I am wrong but could she have met someone else. Maybe her change in behaviour is gulit?

I wouldn’t waste my time begging her to speak to you or even function on bare minimum decency, put that energy in to finding somewhere to live. Whose name is on your current tenancy? If it’s just yours, remove her from the property. She doesn’t give a shit, so do the same.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I couldn't live somewhere dog friendly as we rent and I couldn't afford a rental big enough for me and two dogs so I'll lose them at the very least, plus probably the cat that is very attached to Dp

You're finding excuses to not leave. Loads of landlords accept dogs.

I'm not finding excuses to leave. The issue isn't finding a landlord who can accept dogs, the issue is finding somewhere big enough that I can afford on what I earn. We split our rent at our current home 50/50 and we can afford what we have here, but I'd realistically not be able to find a house suitable for two big rescue dogs at the price I'd need. I'm being realistic about the path that lies ahead. If I have to leave them behind I'll be devastated but if it happens then it happens. P has more resources than me available to keep them in a house that is safe and comfortable for them.

@NowEvenBetter

I wouldn’t waste my time begging her to speak to you or even function on bare minimum decency, put that energy in to finding somewhere to live. Whose name is on your current tenancy? If it’s just yours, remove her from the property. She doesn’t give a shit, so do the same.

Joint tenancy. I can't afford the rent here alone so that wouldn't be an option anyway - plus if we split I'd look at moving closer to friends again. We are in quite an isolated part of the country.

How are you doing today OP?

I grew up with a Mum who could be very like how you describe your partner, very passive aggressive, sulking and not talking and snapping at me over nothing. It wasn't the only problem I had with her but it has really messed me up. It's only recently come to light for me about how much of an affect it has had on me.

Please leave. You are worth so much more than someone treating you like this. I can imagine how gutted you would be to leave your animals, take your cat with you if you want, your partner has the means to look after the dogs so at least you know they would be looked after. But you have to put yourself first and do the right thing by you. Life's too short to waste feeling like you do now. She won't change. This will be a pattern that repeats itself over and over again if you stay.

In my experience people get snappy when they are stressed/anxious or when they have begun to resent the other person. My husband has a tendency to do the former (get stressed about work or bereavement and takes it out on me) and I have a tendency to the latter (was really bad when our children were small, we both worked full time and I was really feeling the strain of the mental load.) We have both got lots better over the years -26 years together this week...

The trouble is if your partner won't even talk to you there isn't a hope of (a) knowing which it is and (b) sorting it out. And whichever it is, she is out of order. It's not fair to take stress out on you all the time. If she has some sort of grudge against you in particular she needs to tell you, not leave you guessing. Cruel and torturous.