Lonely in relationship

[Nel246]

Me and my partner moved to the other side of the world from the UK over a year ago (my partner is not from here but I met him in the UK 5 years ago and we bought a house together). We agreed to move to his home country temporarily for a few years and then return to the UK. We rented out our house and I took an employment break. I'm very close to my family so it was very very difficult to leave them but I put my own family first and partners happiness.

I'm so so lonely here, the days are so long, I talk to the voice in my head for company. But at the same time I'm never alone as I'm ways with my 2 young kids (2 years and 1years old). I'm a SAHM and my partner works all week.
My partner doesn't see how sad I am but I am sad. I feel I don't have anything to say other than talk about our kids and what me and the kids have done all day.

I've no friends and my family are on the other side of the world- a 25 hour flight away. I've tried all the mum and baby groups etc but it's just polite conversation etc nothing more.

I can't remember the last time I laughed.
I feel it's pointless wearing make up or dressing nice as I don't go anywhere other than the park with the kids. I've no car to go anywhere. I do the same routine everyday.
I feel I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. On my walks with the kids I see people laughing and chatting in cafes and I wish I had friends/family to go out with.

I long to go home but I know my partner is happy here but I'm so unsettled and I'm counting down the days until I return to my home next year. I sacrificed a job I love, my family seeing my babies and my own happiness but when is enough enough. I can't think what will happen if my partner says he doesn't want to return to the UK.
I'm not good with talking about how I feel but Im not sure if my partner sees me struggling but doesn't ask me how I'm feeling about everything. I feel like I'm often an afterthought of his and someone who does a good job looking after the kids. He takes me for lunch etc and gives me money but I feel like he just doesn't see meor take into account my feelings if that makes sense.

For example on New year's Eve I was at home with a 6 month old and 19 month old. My partner went out mid afternoon with his friends for drinks and told me he would meet me at his parents for dinner about 7ish. I went with the kids to his parents with a few other members of his family but I never heard from him until the following morning. He apologised for not contacting and me being me just let it go.

Sorry for rambling I just wanted to write everything down, I don't know what I expect from Mumsnet.

Have you considered that you may be a bit depressed post baby which is heightening your feelings of isolation?

If not then I think you need a proper chat with your husband about how lonely and unhappy you feel.

I feel for you because in these times it is hard enough anyway without the added feeling of isolation.

Thank you @TVR7 for taking the time to respond to me.

Yes I've questioned myself before whether I have a bit of post natal depression. I had a very difficult 10 months of complete sleep deprivation and had to get hospital assistance in the end for sleep issues with my son.
I guess I feel Ive put my partner's happiness first for a while and don't know how to say to him how I'm actually feeling as I don't want to ruin his happiness and don't think he would fully understand why I can't just go out and make some mum friends.

I think if you've been years here and you still havent created a new life (friends, job, hobbies ect) then that's probably a sign you need to move.

That being said, have you tried to do these things yet? Are there meetup groups in your local area? Could you look for part time work? What about taking up an activity like walking or cycling. There are lots of groups that do that and the fresh air, exercise and sunshine would really help your mood.

If however, it is a case that you have tried similar things and not got anywhere then it's your partners turn to show ye loves you and agree to move with you back home to your family. Asap. Whilst the kids are young..

Why have you uprooted your life for someone who you aren’t even married to, and who ‘gives you money’ rather than sharing it? As a sahm you need to be able to fund your own life, not just rely on handouts when he feels like it. Can you work over there? If not then he definitely needs to sort out joint finances for you.

You should also learn to drive or accept that you’ll be spending lots on cabs etc to make sure you can go wherever you choose. You shouldn’t be constrained by not being able to travel if you can have a better life a little further from home.

I didn’t really make friends until my DC started school, that regular contact with the same people every day was the only way for me to meet people. However because you are still a couple of years away from that, you need to make friends as a priority. Find a hobby, join a book club, or maybe start something yourself. It’s no wonder you’re lonely when the only person you know can’t even be bothered to turn up to his own family get togethers with you!

And you need to be more open. He’s not a mind reader. If you’re pretending it’s all fine to him then he’s not going to make allowances for you. How can you share children and build a life with a man you can’t even talk to?! It doesn’t make sense to me. He should be the one person in the world who knows you inside out. Speak to him and get him to support you in building up a more fulfilling existence.

I’m not trying to be mean. I know these things just creep up on you. But from the outside your situation just seems so ill-though-out. Hope you can get things sorted or move home ASAP.

I've just uprooted temporarily for a few years. I feel it was only fair to let his family spend a few years with their grandchildren before returning and settling for good in the UK. I will be returning to work full time then too.

I can drive but due to me not working out here (too busy looking after my kids) we don't have the funds for 2 cars. I'm very active so I've joined the local mum and baby yoga etc and run lots with my kids in the pram but I've still not found any connections on a friendship level. I joined Bumble for friends and got stood up a few times by other mums and not had any luck finding anyone with my interests. I message a few mums from the local playgroup but we only meet up every few months as there's always something... people on holiday, kids sick etc.

I think I went from having such a good supply network to having none. I know I need to be more open with my partner for sure but he loves it here and it just makes it hard.