Insecurity

[Whoknows11]

I'm starting to get the impression my boyfriend likes me feeling insecure.

Is this a thing, does anyone know?

He does little to reassure me and then I feel he makes me out to be the one who's in the wrong!

Feeling a bit confused to be fair and not sure if I can say anything to him without the reversal thing again!

Any advice please?

I'm insecure but if I try to say how I feel he rolls his eyes and I get little reassurance, like I'm just an annoyance.
I think it could be an ego trip sometimes I'm sure he has none about me!

Can you give an example of what happened. Maybe he is just naturally shit at giving reassurance or emotionally avoidant.

I think it can be a 'thing' with some men yes. I have had two exes early on both of whom paraded ex-girlfriends in front of me. Not literally, but with photos, talking about them, their mates referring to them, being told that their sister/mum wished they hadn't broken up, that sort of thing.

With me, who was very young with both of these guys, it triggered my insecurity and anxious attachment style big time leading to paddies and tantrums from me. When I met my next boyfriend (who I was with for years, and it ended amicably by simply drifting into the friendzone where we remain) I displayed the same tendencies even though he didn't do anything to trigger it (it was simply that we discussed exes at the start for information purposes only) but being the way I was I picked it up and ran like Usain Bolt. It took a lot of work to overcome.

So the blokes that do do this as a 'thing' do it for their own insecurity reasons and a need to feel fabulous when they're really not at all.

@Whoknows11

I'm starting to get the impression my boyfriend likes me feeling insecure.

Is this a thing, does anyone know?

He does little to reassure me and then I feel he makes me out to be the one who's in the wrong!

Feeling a bit confused to be fair and not sure if I can say anything to him without the reversal thing again!

Any advice please?

Yes it's a thing.. it's controlling your environment isolating you and making you feel like you cannot be without him and you think are going insane...

look up the freedom programme

It depends on what you're talking about. Why do need reassurance? About what? If you are simply needy and the insecurity is your own, he's probably fed up with it.

But, it could be him, doing things that give you reservations or break your trust, and when you try to talk about it he gaslights you, making you feel that you're the problem.

Which is it?

Meeting up with female friends for activities or coffees. I say friends, the one he's meeting this weekend he's never met before, just spoken online!

It's like if I'm uncomfortable with it, then it's my issue and I'm making him justify who he's meeting and what he's doing.

I'm scared to say anything as I know it'll be turned around on me! It's like he doesn't understand my insecurities. I don't reckon I'm needy at all. I'm very confident.

@Whoknows11

Meeting up with female friends for activities or coffees. I say friends, the one he's meeting this weekend he's never met before, just spoken online!

It's like if I'm uncomfortable with it, then it's my issue and I'm making him justify who he's meeting and what he's doing.

I'm scared to say anything as I know it'll be turned around on me! It's like he doesn't understand my insecurities. I don't reckon I'm needy at all. I'm very confident.

Gas lighting ...

look it up 🌸

@Whoknows11

Meeting up with female friends for activities or coffees. I say friends, the one he's meeting this weekend he's never met before, just spoken online!

It's like if I'm uncomfortable with it, then it's my issue and I'm making him justify who he's meeting and what he's doing.

I'm scared to say anything as I know it'll be turned around on me! It's like he doesn't understand my insecurities. I don't reckon I'm needy at all. I'm very confident.

Your choices are:

1. Genuinely don't give a shit and treat this as a FWB arrangement and tell him so. He wants to meet women, you'll meet men.

1. Dump him the disrespectful arse.

1. Have a conversation that won't go anywhere because he twists everything.

1. Assert yourself and call his nonsense. Boundaries, expectations and relationship stuff. He can meet them or not. If he doesn't he's single.

To follow up on my pervious reply... He's gaslighting the fuck out of you and probably cheating right under your nose.

Get rid of this loser.