Not sure what to do next...

[Beepee1234]

I’ve recently been in touch with an “ex”. We were never really together properly due to a number of circumstances but had very strong feelings for each other. Fast forward 20 years and we’re in touch again. Firstly just a few messages and have recently met up. He’s been honest and said he still has strong feelings for me as I do for him but he’s not ready for a relationship yet and doesn’t know what the future holds for him. He’s partly scared because of what happened before. I’m not sure whether to see him occasionally as friends and see if anything happens or whether I should move on...

@kurtney I think it’s more complicated than that. More of an existential crisis 😢

@Aquamarine1029

He’s been honest and said he still has strong feelings for me as I do for him but he’s not ready for a relationship yet and doesn’t know what the future holds for him.

He is clearly telling you he's emotionally unavailable. He's preparing you to have very low expectations, no matter what you do for him. I wouldn't be wasting my time. I'd bet my house he's nothing but a twat.

Spot on

@Notagain20 you’re probably right that I shouldn’t waste my time, but I might regret it if I don’t try…

I might regret it if I don’t try… OP I really don't understand what you mean. It is not possible to 'try' and have a relationship with somebody who does not want one. He has already told you he is not emotionally available.

1.You can't 'make' someone interested in you. And if you try, it will mess you up and erode your confidence

1. It's a little bit arrogant. He has told you he is not emotionally available. Why are you ignoring and disrespecting what he wants? Listen to him.

These kind of complicated situations where a couple overcome their difficulties with each other and find love are ONLY in fiction, because that's how fictional narratives work.

In real life people who want to be together, get together.

@Briset you’re probably right and I don’t rea Lily need the stress the situation might bring - although I suppose many relationships can do that. I’m going to take a bit of a backseat from him now a see what happens…

[quote Beepee1234]@kurtney I think it’s more complicated than that. More of an existential crisis 😢[/quote]
Oh FFS!
You clearly relish the idea of a romantic drama unfolding. The tortured soul of a man.....the heroine steadfast with her unwavering love and support.......

You clearly relish the idea of a romantic drama unfolding. The tortured soul of a man.....the heroine steadfast with her unwavering love and support.......

Ahaha, this was me with my first boyfriend at 16. God, I wasted almost 10 years with that prick. Learned a lot from that relationship.

OP, pps have said it all but you aren't listening and obviously have to find out for yourself. Good luck.

[quote Beepee1234]@kurtney I think it’s more complicated than that. More of an existential crisis 😢[/quote]
It's really, really not. Men generally are not complicated creatures when it comes to women. If they really want someone, they won't risk losing them by telling them they don't think they can be in a relationship at the moment. I can assure you he will be doing none of the handwringing and overthinking that you currently are.

You can ignore the advice you've been given on this thread and do as you choose, which I'm sure you will. Romanticise him all you like as a tortured soul who desperately loves you yet somehow still can't commit. And we'll see back here, after you've become emotionally entangled with this headfuck while he's still telling you he's not ready for a relationship 2 or 3 years down the line.

Yes any relationship can bring ups and downs. If there are more downs then you know the relationship is wrong and extract yourself from it.

But what you don't do is walk in to one where you know there are going to be more downs than ups.Where up front the person has told you they aren't available for a relationship.

His reasons for this, whether genuine or manipulating, are irrelevant - he is (intentionally or not) telling you he isn't emotionaly available and you will spend all your time second guessing and feeling unwanted if you embark on a relationship with him.

I'm afraid he's using a few flattering lines on you that we've probably all heard at some time... 'You're like a drug' is a way of saying 'I know I shouldn't be / don't really want to be with you, but I want some attention for a temporary period and I'm not responsible for all the messing about that will ensue. Isn't it all very exciting and romantuc and irresistible'

It's also boring. Him being fragile and navel gazing and must be free at all times, while bending your ear, texting you every day and occupying your time.

Then he'll be mended and meet someone else, leaving mummy behind.

Boring.

Find a man who turns you on.

[quote Beepee1234]@Notagain20 you’re probably right that I shouldn’t waste my time, but I might regret it if I don’t try…[/quote]
That's completely up to you. You have a choice - recognise that he is not able or willing to give you what you want in a relationship and move on, knowing you're not someone who hangs around hoping for scraps of attention, leave him in the past and realise you have literally nothing to regret -or keep thinking about a fantasy guy who is besotted with youbut is just "too scared"or"having an existential crisis" and will maybe one day overcome his fears and be everything you dream of. This is genuinely up to you.

Thanks for all your comments. I know he’ll probably cause me trouble and probably needed that spelt out to me!