My mother is a horrible person

[blackheartsgirl]

I've recently suffered a life changing bereavement (lost my husband 2 weeks ago)

I'm in pieces.

My mother who has been very hard work all my life really has shown her true colours the last 2 weeks.

She was good at first very supportive when I needed her as dh was dying. It was a very awful week and she seemed to thrive on the attention that went her way, excited almost. Seemed a chance to show everyone how fantastic she was.(she lost my dad 14 years ago so I thought she understood.

My friend has also been fantastic too, went above and beyond for me and my dd and still is. Very organised and matter of fact as well as supportive and I've leared on her a little more as my mum is 72, disabled and to be honest quite nasty about people

My mum made food for the wake at my house, only for about 15 people, she didn't have to but she insisted then moaned about how hot and tired she was and acted dramatic.

She kicked off at the funeral because she wasn't allowed to swap pews to be near me in the front..social distancing. Announced very loudly MY DAUGHTER NEEDS ME.
.sobbed dramatically in pauses.

Then the ultimate.. called my friend a fucking bitch because she cuddled me in the hallway of my house at the wake and I broke down.

Told me yesterday I'd get ok on 2 weeks and to get on with it

Pushing me to get on with clearing his stuff and then getting arsy and huffy when I say I can't. Stepdad wants to put up a desk for me before they go on holiday and I'm not ready to clear stuff yet..I've said it can wait till they get back
Then in a really horrible voice..referring to her grief when she lost my dad 'not nice is it's
She was vile to me when my dad died.

Just needed to get it off my chest..I suppose

As the weeks have gone up she's become really cold and standoffish with me because I don't want to lean on her as much.

[blackheartsgirl]

Noirchat
Yy my mother also does the bad smell under nose when the conversation isn't about her.
My stepdad is a miserable bastard but one thing we do bond over is gardening so we can quite happily be chatting to each other and my mum will start rolling her eyes, tutting, and interrupting to get the conversation back to her.

I'll check out the stately homes thread, is there one active at the moment?

I'm trying to keep busy which helps a bit. My friend came round last night and together we assembled a desk and a chair for my hallway and had a giggle and loads of cuppas.

Feeling crap this morning though.

I do wonder if I've got some trauma from the last 6 weeks. We told his cancer was terminal 1 week before he passed, we married the next day in hospital then he passed a week later.
My dds were self isolating at the same time in different houses to me so I couldn'tsee them. He saw them all on the last day he passed 3 hours afterwards.

My mum knew all this, was there in the thick of it and still she acts as if its about her

[Eekay]

I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.
Your mother is frankly a prize bitch.
You'd have every right to tell her to sling her hook permanently.
I'm so glad you have a supportive friend. Have you told her how awful your mother us? You really need someone to lean on.
Contact Cruse.
Do what YOU need to do, hour by hour. And I'd honestly consider not speaking to your mother at all. At least for now.
I do wish you strength in your grief, you poor thing.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4265761-June-2021-Well-we-took-you-to-Stately-Homes

[memberofthewedding]

So sorry for your loss OP. Of course there is no hurry to clear out or tidy up at this time. It will still be there next week!

Its difficult to do distance if you live in a close community but perhaps you can enlist the help and support of other friends and relatives to form a barrier and keep her at arms length.

I went NC with my own mother on the evening of my fathers funeral. There were things said which caused me to walk out of the house at 11pm and (thankfully) get the last train back to the city where I live. I did not answer the phone to her for over a week nor did I ever see her again.