Once again I find that I have to explain myself for seemingly something that should not have proked the reaction given.
Just to clear a few things up first.
We live in a lovely house in a great area with two beautiful children, we have no immediate health issues, no money worries, no lack of family friends or support. I'm a clean, tidy, respectable good man husband who works full time and recently left a job that I loved to earn money money to support my families ever changing needs. I keep semi fit and do my fair share of chores around the house including the majority of the cooking, shopping and kids bathtime/bedtime etc.
I supported my wife through a job and career change that earned significantly less money during Covid and continue to do so, so that she can pursue a career in another line of work, which is significantly less
I also supported her through anxiety, depression, PTSD and withdrawal from physical affection for 2 years, and most recently a mental health issue that may or may not have been brought about from Covid, this means a total disconnect and numbness within the house. My weekends are spent doing chores and household work, whilst also involving the kids where possible, taking them out or involving them in cutting the lawn or the hedges. Also stood by her side during all of this without any lack of disconnect, my primary concern will always be her and my children's wellbeing.
I've always gone out of my way to make sure my wife receives a memorable birthday, xmas, anniversary gift
- On a weekend I get up early with boys, singing songs with them, especially at xmas and then complains about getting woken up at 8am.
I send boys up to bedroom on her lay in day with breakfast menu, complains about getting woken up for surprise breakfast, hence no more breakfast in bed.
- I regulary take time off work to do up house and garden, including fitting new floors, kitchen, full room renovation and rebuilding of parts of the house
- I regularly work from home so will when possible use my lunch time to either take the kids for a walk or finish early so we can eat together
I have loads of incentive to make the house look nice or buy for example throw cushoing and accesories or paint, but the it is always on me to suggest going to look, then spends more time looking at phone/not interested.
Doesnt like suggestions or when trying to decide on things that are nice or finish the home
When I do house work or bring in the washing its "not folded", or the floor I've just mopped is too wet.
I Booked half day of work, first time off in a year for a desperate mental health check in with a friend, she accidently sent a message to me complaining to a friend about me taking a half day, I said nothing and let it pass, I've recently started feeling really down and negative, to the point where I actually thought about suicide and how I might do it, more so because it seems no matter what I do the feedback and response is negative and I feel pretty worthless. Money shouldn't come in to it, but I've spent £1000s and countless hours in the house and garden to make it nice.
We had a conversation about not having a many pictures of the kids in the house so I asked us to come up with a canvas design, which took a while and eventually a lovely large canvas of pictures of boys turns up, but spouse didnt want it in the living room on any wall, almost like to the point where resented that I had the incentive to purchase it and do it and its now on the wall in the playroom, where only the kids go really.
Mentioned getting a caravan so we can go off on weekends, and not spend all of our time in the house/house chores on a weekend, but had no interest so I sold my "project car" that was used maybe once a month for an hour and now currently looking for a caravan to purchase with the funds so we can get away with the kids, bought a mountain bike as surprise present when eldest got his so there's the ability to go biking with him, butused once.
My spouse recently started a new diet to loose a bit of weight and get some self confidence back which I think is great, good for her, really proud and happy and encouraged it, but it's now cause a massive argument and a fall out simply because I wanted to go shopping for food in the morning and spend the afternoon with the boys, I was happy to go shopping twice in the weekend, but I was asked to wait until a menu was released from some website. I have limited time at the weekends and I just wanted to see the boys and do something fun without getting broken off. So off we went shopping and then once came home took the boys out for some fun and lunch.
I came back home and cut the hedges/lawn whilst involving the kids to give her some time alone, the next thing I know I'm being shouted at for looking in to seeing if the venue we'd been at during lunch had a date free and if my parents friends had a date free for a surprise 60th birthday party for my mother, It was a spare of the moment idea that slipped my mind when I got home and took me a while to register what was going on.
Since that moment I've had nothing but aggro grief, more shouting and abuse that im not listening to her and she "cant do it anymore". I've really lost as to what I've done wrong here and Im reaching out to get some clarity or non biased opinion. Im not perfect, I may go silent when threatened or have to spend a day or two weighing something up before responding, but currently I just feel like a total failure as a husband.