Is it no boundaries? Low self esteem?

[Meetmeattgefloor]

I’ve being an absolute idiot.
My cheating husband left me for ow, then ended it with her and we tried again. It follows a pattern of a week of love bombing from him then he retreats back to his cunty cave. This has happened more times than I am comfortable with and I know I’m an absolute mug.

I just don’t understand how he can treat me like this? I can’t match it up his behaviour with who he is.

You don't need to understand how he can treat you like this.

What you need to figure out is why you let him.

@samwitwicky your right, I’m in therapy and thought I’d tackled a lot of this stuff but it’s clear I’ve not even touched the surface

'I can't match up his behaviour to who he is'
Feeling exactly the same about my stbxh
Spent a lovely 'family' day yday and I can't understand why he has thrown this all away. In his case it's alcohol not other women but it's so frustrating .
But please end it and concentrate on yourself . Like mine he has blown the very generous chances you have given him and he doesn't deserve another

But his behaviour IS his personality surely?

@Meetmeattgefloor

Unfortunately you still seem keen to believe all his 'pretty words', because they probably match up with the person you thought him to be.

You will get past this stage. It's partly because you still haven't quite 'given up hope' of keeping the family unit together, and partly because you're still trying to get past the idea that this is just a 'bad dream' or a 'mid life crisis' or something similar (which would give you a reason to blame all his shitty behavior on), which you think you'd be able to 'get over' in time. .

He is the shitty, horrible person who is lying and cheating and being selfish, cruel and arrogant !
There is NO excuse !
There is nothing you could've done to prevent this !

He is a lying cheating bastard.
He couldn't care LESS about you and your DC !
His 'personality' HASN'T changed !

He isn't playing games with your emotions because he doesn't know what he wants, he knows exactly what HE wants, he wants you and her to do the pick me dance, because then he can merrily play you against the OW ffs ! That way, he ALWAYS WINS !!
Whatever house he's in, will treat him like a King !

If he is at your house now, stop treating him well. Stop 'pussy footing' around him. Tell him, ''if you want to stay here, then these are MY rules''

1. You will never contact OW, on any medium ever again. If you do, then you will be told to leave FOR THE FINAL TIME.
2. You will do 50% of all childcare/cleaning/laundry etc every day.
3. You will never tell me how I am 'supposed' to feel.
4. You will give me 100% commitment every day.
5. You will communicate with me like an adult i.e No anger/threats or trying to blame me for your actions and behavior.
6. If I decide I want to divorce you, which is still very much undecided, YOU will leave the family home immediately.
7. If you are unable or unwilling to abide by these rules, then you need to leave right NOW.

If he is at the OW's house at the moment, tell him to fuck right off the next time he even tries to speak to you, and if he turns up at the door, tell him to fuck off down the road back to OW's house !

Refuse to do the 'pick me dance', ever again. You are SO much better off without him, but you need to be SO much stronger than you have ever been before ! You are worth more.

I can’t match it up his behaviour with who he is

Where is your perception of 'who he is' coming from?