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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Who's in the wrong?

3 replies

mstumble · 22/07/2021 00:17

I just can't tell. I have found this year incredibly difficult (as have alot of people!) but I have also struggled massively with my 2 teenage children. One of which needs alot of emotional support and the other who is going through puberty and having massive mood swings. I also have 2 younger primary school aged children. My mental health has suffered alot and I'll admit I have drunk far more than usual lately. My partner is good at ignoring situations and turning a blind eye to any unfolding chaos leaving me to sort it all out. Recently he decided to take on an extra job on top of his full time work, which basically leaves him unable to help or offer any support. We are saving to buy a house, which is his reasoning for the extra work. I've almost accepted we'll be renting for the next couple of years at least by which point teenagers may have left home. Doesn't this all seem pointless? And if I'm at breaking point shouldn't he just help? He thinks I'm being short sighted and unappreciative of his hard work. I think his priorities are all wrong. We are literally arguing every second about it!

OP posts:
spotcheck · 22/07/2021 00:21

Neither

Perhaps sit down and properly discuss what your vision for your family is. What is important?
What experience would you like your children to have in the last few years they are at home?
What compromise will each of you accept?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 22/07/2021 00:25

It sounds like he is trying to give practical support by trying to help your living situation, whereas you need emotional support.

You have a communication issue.

I'm not sure what you mean by drinking too much, but could there be an element of him trying to avoid you if you're drunk a lot?

TheFoundations · 22/07/2021 00:29

You are both right, and both wrong.

You need to sit down and align your goals, instead of arguing about the specifics. Your zero sum game approach will not help - the aim is that you all win, not that one person gets to be right so the other has to be wrong.

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