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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship

9 replies

babyboo10 · 21/07/2021 15:15

I am feeling really low. I have been married 14 years and we have 3 kids together. My husband has been working from home for the past year and literally is stuck to his computer. He doesn't really want to spend any quality time with me or the kids and i feel like all the parenting is on my shoulders. We live in a small 3 bed semi with a box room so my husband is working in our room and 2 of my kids boy and girl share who are 8 nearly 9. My eldest has the box room and I feel like the house is too small but my husband seems to think I shouldn't moan. We are lucky to have a roof over our heads. He says I need to work but I am stuck as we have no family support so I am the main children's carer. I just feel so low as everything seems to be going wrong. We seem to just argue about money, not being able to afford things, space and he does not want to spend any time with us. It just makes me sad as I know longer feel attractive, or the person I once was. I am just a mum, who cooks, cleans and does everything at home. I just feel like Im trapped, I can't seem to talk to him without it turning into an argument and then if I talk about the house its a no go area. We can't afford to move and don't have the money to extend or go up so its catch 22. Anyone else in this situation that can give some advice? I just don't know what to do. :(

OP posts:
0None0 · 21/07/2021 15:17

I’m sorry your feeling low. What is it about being a mum that is stopping you finding a job?

Sunshineandflipflops · 21/07/2021 15:20

So your youngest is 8, they are all at school so it's only wrap around care you'd need?

That's doable with finding a job op. It seems like working would not only offer you more money to potential move/extend but also to give you back some of the self-esteem and autonomy you seem to have lost.

As for your DH not waiting to spend time with his family, that's a different issue. I know a lot of people seem to be doing more hours, not less since WFH as the lines are very blurred between home and work time but it sounds like you need to have a talk with him about how you are feeling because he can't just opt out of family life to 'work'.

Sunshineandflipflops · 21/07/2021 15:21

Most schools have before/after school clubs now as the majority of parents both work.

Ginger1982 · 21/07/2021 15:29

Why can't you get a job?

Original poster
babyboo10 · 21/07/2021 16:57

Sorry I have not explained myself properly. I do have a job but its on a self- employed basis and its seasonal. My hours have been significantly reduced due to the pandemic. I need to find something term time as I explained I don't have any support for my children so if they are ill I would need to be there for school holidays ect...

OP posts:
Original poster
babyboo10 · 21/07/2021 17:07

Thank you everyone that has spent the time to message :)

OP posts:
Original poster
babyboo10 · 21/07/2021 17:28

If Im honest its a confidence thing. I have totally lost any confidence I have. I just feel that I am unemployeable as I have not been treated well in my job. I was offered a job with a school photographers 2 years ago and it was perfect as it was term time working 9 until 2pm 3 days a week but it was on a self empoyment basis so I have no cover if my kids are sick or I am ect. They have then taken on full time staff also on a self employed basis but giving all the hours to them. Its an admin role with packing aswell and they basically said that this other person was better than me and put me on packing but now they don't have work. I have tried schools but I don't have my Maths GCSE and have so far been unsuccessful. I don't think I can take much more knock backs and feel so low as I realise this is my only way to get more money for the family. My husband was recently made redundant and found a job which is why he needs to make a real go of the new role and its not easy working from home when the house is so small and we are all here because of the noise level. Its just so hard, I just needed some friendly advice and someone out there to make me feel better as I feel like such a failure.

OP posts:
ahoyshipmates · 21/07/2021 17:39

@babyboo10

Sorry I have not explained myself properly. I do have a job but its on a self- employed basis and its seasonal. My hours have been significantly reduced due to the pandemic. I need to find something term time as I explained I don't have any support for my children so if they are ill I would need to be there for school holidays ect...
Why would it have to be your responsibility to take time off work to look after sick kids or in the school holidays? They are his children too.
Ginger1982 · 21/07/2021 19:36

Your husband needs to share taking time off for illness etc.

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