Hi everyone
I met someone about 8 months ago that I believe I manifested- might sound cooky but he ticked so many boxes of mine, down to obscure details. I have however forgot to add that I wanted to be attracted him. Lo and behold, I was so surprised to have met someone so close in alignment to me. I never felt sparks with him and thought sparks and attraction would grow so I kept dating him. They never came.
He was the healthiest relationship I have had; I felt cherished and adored and was able to exercise open communication and boundaries. He was consistent with words and actions. He was like a v good friend. We were exclusive, he saw a future with me and vocalised that. We had not slept together in all that time as I said I wanted to be sure. He was there for me through thick and thin. These were refreshing attributes as I had previously been in toxic relationships and had an emotionally unavailable father growing up.
In saying that, there were a few things niggling at me that I wasn't attracted to, some were petty, some I feel were valid and I couldn't shake off but overall I increasingly became triggered and anxious when meeting him and so ended things in what I hope was a tender way. I just could not see him as my forever partner.
I have so much love and care for him, but that it was not transferring romantically for me. I want to be able to feel physical and sexual attraction with him and though we'd snog and it was great, the thought of me getting naked in front of him, or seeing him naked seemed weird and icky like I would be getting naked in front a family member or a best friend. Did not feel right. I felt that was not right and maybe I left it to long to sleep with him who knows but I want to be attracted both physically and sexually to my guy, esp in the early days.
My sister stumbled across his profile on her bumble less than 48hrs after the breakup, were he said he was single for 2 yrs and v happy. This really bruised my ego as it meant I never existed and that the 8 months meant nothing.
I have made the choice to stay away from the apps to heal and reflect and was taken aback as to how quickly he went on them.
Even though I ended the relationship I feel terribly low- because this was an overall v positive experience and he was good to me and he ticked alot of my boxes. I sometimes second guess myself when it comes to my decision and wondering whether I can find a man who makes me feel the way he did, but also have mutual physical attraction to. I suppose my mindset when I am low is one of scarcity- which I want to snap out of.
Ideally I'd like to stay single for a while, sit in the discomfort if necessary but get used to my own company and heal. These are v early days and I'd appreciate any advice on what you did to help you heal through a breakup? Aside from time?