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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Overreacting over ex talk?

6 replies

Scte · 21/07/2021 14:21

So I’ve (F24) just started dating a guy (M44). We’ve been seeing each other for about 3 months and everything has been great, he’s really lovely and thoughtful.

This is my first relationship though so I’m not sure what’s considered normal and what isn’t. My issue is that he’s mentioned his ex (a woman he was seeing for around 6 months before he met me) a few times now. He’s told me maybe 6 or 7 different stories about her (some he’s told me multiple times). They were all relevant to the conversations we were having at the time but I still feel like it’s a little bit insensitive. One of them being that she liked to have sex in the middle of the night so he had to take viagra for her and another being that she liked men with long beards so he grew it out for her.

I personally haven’t brought up guys that I was casually seeing before him because I just don’t think it would be of any interest to him and also just taking his feelings into consideration as well.

I am super insecure so I understand that it could just be me being silly and making something out of nothing.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 21/07/2021 15:57

It's deliberate on his part.

He's setting you up to be in competition with her. Read up on triangulation.

Or he's insecure about the age difference and trying to big himself up as a romeo/make you feel insecure to balance this out.

Or you're rebound girl and he's not over her.

None of these are good!

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2021 15:58

@Thingsdogetbetter

It's deliberate on his part.

He's setting you up to be in competition with her. Read up on triangulation.

Or he's insecure about the age difference and trying to big himself up as a romeo/make you feel insecure to balance this out.

Or you're rebound girl and he's not over her.

None of these are good!

This. Couldn’t say it better myself.
sunlight81 · 21/07/2021 16:13

Totally agree with the above!

Windmillwhirl · 21/07/2021 16:18

He is telling you things he did for her. This might not be anything more than him wanting to impress you and see him as someone willing to please a partner.

Not everyone is a twisted sociopath.

YeokensYegg · 21/07/2021 16:22

It's inappropriate. Agree that it's hinting and triangulation.

Ditch this old viagra creep.

MidnightSilence · 21/07/2021 17:16

How, at 24, can you not just see him as an old man?? Confused

When I was 24, I wouldn't have been interested in someone his age. I'm a couple of years older than him now and I know what absolutely manipulative sleazes some men my age can be and I can see exactly why they were so attracted to 24 year old me...

I absolutely agree with the above post.

Have you considered what his reasons might be for dating someone 20 years his junior, who has no relationship experience and then behaving like this? Seriously, this is not one of the good guys.

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