I'll try to keep this short and too the point, been with my partner 2 years, I fell pregnant early on in our relationship, we loved each other so we didn't even question wether we would want to be together, so we've been together since and had a beautiful baby together, live together and are generally happy.
The problem though is he's let me down a couple times. The first time was when we hadn't been together long, I'd just found out I was pregnant and he was happy, but I ended up finding out he was texting someone else behind my back, another woman, she had sent him some photos, nothing sexual but they had been chatting, when I confronted him he deleted all the evidence before I could see anything, told me it was just chatting. He's swore blind since that it was just friendly and nothing more and he never wanted anything more. I do actually believe that part.
After a few weeks of me thinking and him begging me to take him back we stayed together. It took me probably the best part of 6 months to let it go, and stop bringing it up, but we got through it and he made all the effort to make sure I felt I could trust him, he really did prove himself and I believed he was sorry and regretted it. It was the lies more than anything, I hate lying, and that's the main betrayal for me.
A couple months before our baby was born, we had a massive row, he stayed at his mums for a few nights and he said he just wasn't in a good place and needed time to think.. I was utterly heartbroken heavily pregnant and confused. He didn't see anyone else I do know that. We talked after that and he explained he was just struggling mentally. Was depressed and he definitely wanted to be a family with me. So we talked and talked and were good, then I found he had been messaging a female friend, nothing inappropriate but he was talking to her about our problems. When I found out I confronted Him and he tried to lie his way out of it. Eventually though he came clean and I told him that he shouldn't be speaking to other women about our problems ever, and I'm hurt again that he lied to me. Again, it's mainly the lying. He admitted he has a bjt of an issue with lying which made sense as he would always tell stupid white lies over things that didn't matter. We got through that too.
We are happy 90% of our relationship, I love him very much and I know he does me, we live well together and have so much fun. Since those things happened he has been amazing, given me access to his phone, told me what he's doing where he's going, been open with me as much as possible and even when I've had wobbles about trusting him he's reassured me that he will do anything to earn back my trust and he really has been great. He's a great dad, he takes care of us and honestly he's everything I want.
The issue is I still don't trust him. I am often suspicious and think he's lying, till he proves he isn't. I feel like it's mostly fear, I know that if he messes up again we will be done but I really don't want that and it scares me. I want to give it my all before It ruins us for good. He's doing everything right and has done for a while, but I can tell he's getting frustrated with me being suspicious sometimes.
I need advice on rebuilding trust, for me and for him, I'd really appreciate it.
Turns out this wasn't short but never mind lol