I need to escape but don’t know how

[Catlover1970]

I’ve Got two teenagers and been with my husband 20 years. I’ve been unhappy for a really long time and just feel desperately sad and lonely in my marriage. I want to go back to my country and be close to my siblings but don’t know how to leave. My husband controls the finances, has a stressful job and has no idea how I feel as we can’t communicate. To complicate matters I have got back in touch with an old friend and we have fallen in love. I want to be with him and he feels the same. How do I leave? I have two kids who love us both and haven’t finished their schooling in this country. I feel so lonely and torn and don’t know what to do. If I told my husband how I feel he would be very very angry and bitter and I just don’t know how to put my needs first for once without hurting so many people. Please help

Several different issues. If you’re being financially abused you can contact women’s aid if you’re in the U.K. Do you work?

Are you planning to leave your kids when you go back home?

Having an affair is complicating things and of course your husband would be angry and bitter to find that out. So I’d cut off contact with the other man and focus on whatever you need to do to get legal advice and divorce your husband.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Several different issues. If you’re being financially abused you can contact women’s aid if you’re in the U.K. Do you work?

Are you planning to leave your kids when you go back home?

Having an affair is complicating things and of course your husband would be angry and bitter to find that out. So I’d cut off contact with the other man and focus on whatever you need to do to get legal advice and divorce your husband.

Thank you for being kind. No I love my kids and would like them to come with me but don’t want to make them choose I’ve taken a step back from the other man, but can’t help my feelings. My husband and I have nothing in common and I just feel so trapped and lonely.

Are you in the U.K.? There might be help available to you to leave him. Do you have access to any money at all? Do you have any friends or family where you live you can trust and confide in? What about your siblings in your home country?

The other man just complicates things. Don’t leave your husband for him, you don’t know how that’ll pan out, you need to leave him because you’re unhappy.

If your children aren’t far off leaving school, can you hold out till then and use this time to make your plan? Then you don’t disrupt their education but have an end in sight.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Are you in the U.K.? There might be help available to you to leave him. Do you have access to any money at all? Do you have any friends or family where you live you can trust and confide in? What about your siblings in your home country?

The other man just complicates things. Don’t leave your husband for him, you don’t know how that’ll pan out, you need to leave him because you’re unhappy.

If your children aren’t far off leaving school, can you hold out till then and use this time to make your plan? Then you don’t disrupt their education but have an end in sight.

yes in the Uk and could rent here for another 5 years but I just yearn to be back in my country and just feel very trapped and in an impossible situation I have confided in a few people I guess I need to find some courage before I break up my family Thanks for listening

Maybe you need to take it one step at a time. If you are desperately unhappy, then seek some legal advice about how you would stand if you divorced. You could then devise a plan to divorce and live separately but in the same country so your DC can continue with their education and still see both parents.

Longer term, you may want to be closer to your siblings, but that might come at the price of having to leave your DCs behind - would you rather be close to your siblings or DCs?