I'm replaceable

[PlaybackToday]

DP and I have been speaking about separating. He wants to stay together so I am the sole decision maker on this according to him. I'm very unsure which way to go. I have asked that we speak to someone such as a mediator or counsellor so a third party can help us through communication if we are to stay together. I said to him that I thought he only wants to remain together because it is convenient for him as I do so much. He said to me "don't think you're not replaceable, just like in a job you can be replaced. Short term it will be hard but long term there will be options available" or something similar. I told him I thought this was an unkind cruel thing to say. Would you think the same as me or is this just a factual statement that I shouldn't be hurt by? I genuinely don't know as I'm pretty sensitive about everything at the moment as I feel like the weight of the world is on me.

@PlaybackToday

Thank you all. It seems more and more often he will say something like this yet nothing big enough shocks me into saying it's final. Then a small olive branch will be thrown my way and I seem to forget all the negative bits. It's so difficult. I do appreciate everyone's comments.

Yeah, that's abuse. Abuse continues when the victim lets it. Your life will be much better without him. He'd be better replaced by nothing, which says a lot about him.

@Whiskycav

I think the way he said it and the timing was not great.

But if you want to separate, that's exactly what you are saying to him.

And really. We are all replaceable. Most people even if heart broken when a relationship ends, eventually moves on.

Its just completely shitty to say. If he was usually decent I would say he is hurting and he didn't mean it. But it sounds like he isn't decent at all.

I think you know its over. for you.

This was my thoughts, too. He's lashing out because you're the driving force to separate and he's hurting.

Yes I would be upset by it. But I would take into account that it very likely came from a place of hurt. Your dp probably feels quite powerless atm and he could have just been biting back. Not a smart move from him seeing that he does appear to want to stay together.

Well he sounds delightful, not sure why some women here feel the need to rewrite his words for him and make out it was him telling you he loves you! Men are lucky so many women work so hard for them for free 🤨

Anyway, why are you thinking of splitting up? Is it due to the way he treats you in general?

There are two ways it could be meant

He is callous and doesn't care about you ..you are literally just a servant and he can simply hire someone different to do your job

Or

He's clumsily trying to say he wants to be with you because he loves you not because of what you do for him

@PlaybackToday

It's so difficult

Is it though? This man seems to see you as a domestic appliance. You serve his needs but if you were to go wrong (AKA have independent thoughts about your own needs) or were no longer there, you'd just get replaced with the new model.

I know ultimately we are all replaceable but my point was that I think he only wants to be with me because of what I do for him. Not because he loves me and wants to be with me. But because I'm convenient.

Is that enough for you? Are you not worth more than this?

Don't stay in a relationship because you're "convenient" there's surely more to life with someone than this. 🌹

What a cold and callous thing to say to another human being, let alone someone he's claiming to want to contiue a relationship with.

He throws you the odd olive branch to hoover you up and keep you doing his chores. It's not because he loves or respects you, it's to make his life easier. He will continue as long as you're willing to put up with it. If you try to leave, he may put a bit more effort into hoovering you up again, but it will only last long enough to keep you as his cleaner/cook.

Don't have children with this entitled prick.

What response did you want? Did you want to hear that he loves you?

If you have not been getting on then perhaps there isn't the loving feeling between you. It's pretty hard to hear a spouse say the marriage is over...rarely will the other respond lovingly as it takes a while to get to this point.

You say that he wants the marriage but I'm assuming that means BOTH of you have to find ways to make it work. However are you out of the marriage or are you willing to go on IF you can find ways to make it work for you?

Are you seeing a counsellor? Admittedly good counsellors are difficult to find.

I don't think you can take one comment out of context and decide he is abusive.

DP and I have been speaking about separating. He wants to stay together so I am the sole decision maker on this according to him
Your decision is presumably based on his behaviour, among other things, though he might find that hard to admit.
I'm afraid this is simply the point, OP, where your partner becomes your opponent. It's hard, but you have to look out for yourself now and stop expecting anything remotely supportive from him. Might be best to stop opening up to him and start quietly getting the paperwork together before he gets too weird about it.

Are you afraid of breaking up a family? Is that why you don't want to be responsible?