Help.... I have no idea what to do about my sister in law.
Ive known her since she was 9. Hubby and I dated since we were 15. We are now in our 30somthings and my relationship with SIL has been real patchy. Especially since she 'grew up'. Classic arguments have always happend and we've always made up or agree to disagree, but this time I feel she's gone to far. But somehow I feel like the bad one.
She's always heard one tiny thing and then blows it out of proportion, it's what she has always done. She's always kind of resented me from a young age because 'I took her brother away'... I understand how she might feel, but she hates him, so it's a little confusing.
In the past when we see her, she's ither been so lovely or a super argumentative over somthing not worth it. She's single and refuses to 'rely on any man and never to have kids'. Shes been shutting doors in our faces, storming out like she's 14. If we 'win' at one of her super arguments... She crys like a 4 year old not allowed have pudding. I've really struggled with her over the years and have tried to remain as neutral as possible between my husband and her. She constenly says that she dosnt understand how I could marry her 'awful' brother. (he's actually a really lovely person and we love each other very much)
Resently during lockdown she has become a lovely aunt to our son (9) by writing letters and drawing pictures for him. He adores her, because he only see fun aunty.
Last month, we went down to stay with her for two nights. First night great. Had a lovely time. But second night she starts up an argument. Pulled out of thin air.
"why aren't you letting (son) grow is hair long? He dosnt want it short, your FORSEING your son to have short hair. If you had a girl, you would be washing her hair for her, making sure it was long and beautiful every day... Because that is what people do. Why are you suppressing him?! "
She's clearly really upset. Almost crying.
I'm absolutely stunned. Eh? Hubby has really long hair... And our son has never asked to grow it long. And i would listen if he asked.
I just said he dosnt want me washing it, he's never asked us and he's got super thick hair, so for him to wash it... Short it best. Also he's a boy of 9, who just lives in the garden and has not got round to thinking about his looks yet. (That will certainly come in time I'm sure) I spend most of my time asking him to wash hands and wash face, brush teeth etc. So the very fact he will shower with out me making sure what his hair is like, is a battle I'm not going to do untill he want to do it. That was my response and I didnt talk for the rest of the night.
Im super hurt. I've chosen not to have anymore children due to mental health issues. It's a conversation I have with my husband - who would have a large family if given the chance - I carry guilt every day that I will not provide that to my husband. He understands and is supportive. So for her to be talking about an imagined girl child that we would have hurts... Alot.
Due to my mental health... Mainly post Nat depression, I haunted by the fact I feel like I'm failing my son. I constantly question my ability to parent. Even though I'm perfectly capable and have a lovely relationship with my son.
Having her basically telling me I'm crap at parenting, using words like 'Forcing' and 'suppressing', accusing me of sexsim over a girl child I do not have really hurts. Its taken up so much brain space for me.
Since then I've decided to not take her on anymore. If she's texts, I reply in emojis. I resently saw her at a family gathering and couldn't look at her. If she talked to me I was polite, but I didn't lead into any more conversation with her. Over the years shes pulled so much crap, I'm tired. Really tired. I don't want to carry on anymore. As time goes on, im struggling with her being so hot and so cold.
I feel awful. I feel like I'm going mad. Am I the bad one for making the decision to say no more???
Please say I'm not the only one who has this kind of trouble.