Feeling incredibly alone and that life is meaningless sometimes

[Pineapplepizza83]

I've been dealing with a really rough time the last few years, but it seems to have become even more difficult, like for so many others, during lockdown. I feel incredibly lonely and isolated. I lost 2 of my best friends within 5 years of each other and any friendships I've had over the years have led to me just being discarded like rubbish after a while. I realise that I can be a bit of a people pleaser and put my own needs last at the expense of others. The only good friends I have are abroad now and I have a sister who can't stand me, so this just makes the loneliness more intense.
I'm also a lesbian which I think has intensified those feelings of loneliness because I see myself as different and not wanting the same traditional things of other people.

I'm unable to work due to disability and an accident that happened when I was just 20. I am hoping to take up volunteering and to hopefully meet people there in the coming weeks/months

I guess I'm just looking for support more than anything with this post. My loneliness really is getting me down. I'm 38 and can see nothing but me ending up old and alone, I need to learn to turn this around and not see so much doom and gloom all the time. At my core, I'm kind and empathic person who always sees the good in others, but I just cannot see it in myself and think nobody would ever want to be around me due to disability. Can anyone else relate or been through something similar? If so, how did you rebuild your life and find meaningful connections? I already attend therapy but it hasn't really helped very much and still doesnt take away the underlying loneliness that's there

I can relate to your feelings although completely different set of circumstances led me to question those things.
I really do believe it's more about becoming happy with feeling those uncomfortable feelings than any of the other factors (such as making moves to meet people through clubs etc). Widening your circle is of course good advice, but keep in mind that you may have to cast your net wide before you find a like-minded soul.
What part of the world are you in?

@newdaynew thanks for your kind words. I think you're right that it's about learning to sit with the uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes that's the most difficult thing of all. I live in Dublin, Ireland

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through.

It's understandable that you have been feeling cut off with everything you are dealing with and also after all the limits on our lives during the last year or so. These things are not a reflection of you or your value as a person.

The 'friends' that discarded you were not worthy of your friendship in the first place. You deserve far better!

I have been rebuilding my life after a health condition and a breakup. I can relate - at times it feels that it will never come together. But there are decent, worthwhile people out there. The volunteering sounds a great idea. Would you consider social groups or groups based around interests/hobbies? It is definitely possible to make connections and start building relationships. I started going to a group after a breakup and have met some lovely people. I also met one friend through an art workshop.

Although it takes time, once you start making more connections and having some good experiences, things feel more possible and you can start to grow and build on these foundations.

I found the words of Bianca Sparacino really soothing and encouraging. Some of it might not be relevant but there are some great episodes on setting boundaries, ghosting and taking care of yourself. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/in-your-feelings/id1495592153

Starting to develop self-compassion and accepting/allowing my feelings has helped me, although this is still a work in progress! Check out Kristen Neff and Tara Brach:
self-compassion.org/
www.tarabrach.com/

@Pineapplepizza83 I’m so sorry you are feeling this way I have no words of advice really, but wanted you to know that you sound lovely and seem like you’d be a great friend. I think things might feel better when you start volunteering and have more interaction with people?

It's rubbish to feel like this.
What about some disability or lesbian groups?

Have you tried OLD?

Just the small interactions of going to shops/cafes may help ease the pain.

@Automaticforthepeople thanks for your kind words. You are right that self compassion is so important and I think sometimes when we go through difficult times, we can be our own worst critics. I have definitely thought of doing some classes. I used to be a member of a knitting group, so would love to get back to something like that again. Thank you for the podcasts you recommended, I'll definitely listen to those. I also wish you luck with rebuilding your own life, it takes a lot of courage after difficult times

@Reasonabella that's very kind of you thank you. Yes hopefully volunteering will make a big difference to how I have been feeling

@felulageller I am going to look into some nearby LGBY support groups if I can. I think just meeting others with similar life experiences would help with the loneliness aswell

Thank you OP 🌻. Yes definitely agree with being my own worse critic at times! I hope you are able to find a good knitting group. Wishing you all the best with your rebuilding too xx