Short version of events: married for a very long time, 4 teens, the big house, dog, cars etc.
He had been very controlling for a number of years - something I refused to accept even 10-15 years ago when pointed out by medical staff, friends and family. Always had to be home by 9, had to ask for permission to go to places so he was always able to go out. Disapproved of my friends and caused rifts between me and them and me and my family.
Never allowed to spend my wages on what I wanted. Or spend money on anything unless he wanted to.
Dismissed everything I said or suggested. He was always right.
Sometimes it was physical, in the end very.
In the end I left at the start of lockdown. He wasn't going to leave. It took months to find a place. I left with nothing, but I was allowed to collect my clothes, some personal effects and a couple of pieces of inherited furniture. I furnished the new place through freebies and gifts etc buying as little as possible.
Having lost 7 years of my career to bring up children, I earn a lot less and due to health reasons work part time.
He wanted to be the main carer for the children and so I have to ask permission to see them. The eldest two come when they like and the youngest are 50:50. My house is significantly smaller and I pay for it all myself - it's not quite big enough for all of us at the same time and the kids don't like it as much as it's a rental and they don't have much stuff here and we can't decorate.
On the plus side, he is not asking for contributions towards the mortgage for the family home and bills. But he wants CM.
I have no issue with this, other than my life savings, every penny are stuck in a joint account (which I can't access now) or were used to pay off the mortgage on the big house. I've only got a current account, no spare to back me up.
He's offered me 20% of the martial assets - because of the fact I have the children less. Of course, I've consulted a solicitor but things aren't that simple.
I think he's being difficult about assets deliberately so I still have to talk to him, to ask permission to see the children - the longer this drags out the more control he has.
One of the teens is hard work. Then ex has a tantrum, saying he wished he could be like me, swanning off into my new life with less responsability. I offered to have the children more but he's not having any of it. I can't seem to win at all.