Do I tell him??

[mrssmith45]

So, bit of background. My dp and I split up about 6/7 months ago, over the past month we have been speaking again and he says he made a mistake and wants me back. I still love him very much but worried things won't change and I'll be back here again in a few months time. Anyway, before we got back speaking again I found out he was on a date with someone else. This for me was the closure I was waiting for and decided that was it. That wknd I went out with a male friend and we ended up sleeping together. Both agreed it was a one off and wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the amount of alcohol we had on board. We were both single so we weren't hurting anyone. Couple wks later dp calls me saying he wants us to try again etc. Now, do I tell him about sleeping with my friend? If we do end up getting back together I'd be worried he would find out as these things normally come out! I'm 90% sure if I tell him now he will no longer want us to be together. I don't want to lie to him but also I don't want to cause unnecessary upset. What do you think??

Well that would be unreasonable of him and hypocritical.

So you should tell him so that he can show he has grown up since the split and is worthy of a second chance.

Sounds like you should definitely tell him.

So you split up and both saw another person
I'd say it's pretty equal so irrelevant
The only question is do you want him back ? Is it a good idea

He said he didn't sleep with anyone, which I don't even know if I believe or not but to be honest we weren't together so it shouldn't matter anyway.
I guess I'm worried if I tell him he will change his mind and won't want us to get back together so that kind of tells me I do want him back. Or maybe just want the option? I hate keeping things from people and I don't know if I could live with myself not saying anything.
It's so hard to know what to do for the best.
I can definitely see a change in him but will it last? I guess I just need to decide if I can try again and risk getting hurt again.

If he said he hasnt slept with anyone and you don't believe him (when there's no real reason to lie), don't even consider getting back with him.

Honestly, I wouldn't even get back with him.

He is an ex for a reason

@Whiskycav I didn't say I don't believe him I'm just not sure. He probably thinks I won't have him back if he has slept with someone else. Men tend to think it's better to lie than tell the truth if it means upset.

You are foolish for getting back together with him in the first place. I guarantee he hasn't changed. You broke up for a good reason and that reason is still there. Why waste your time like this?

Tell him. If it comes out later it's going to be much worse as he'll feel deceived. He might surprise you and still want you back. But use it as an opportunity to ask for him to be honest too if he slept with anyone. If it's something he'll hold over you then the relationship will end anyway.

This for me was the closure I was waiting for and decided that was it.

I don't understand how it went from this closure to him clicking his fingers and you wanting him back so much that you'd need to lie?

It's been 7 months, you split up for a reason, and have both seen other people. What's the point in trying again? And why would his love for you be contingent on you being faithful while split up and while he wasn't?

Basically, getting back together sounds like a bad idea, and if you're intent on trying it at all, you might as well start off by being honest. If that kills it for him, so be it, at least you know it wasn't realistic.

[quote mrssmith45]@Whiskycav I didn't say I don't believe him I'm just not sure. He probably thinks I won't have him back if he has slept with someone else. Men tend to think it's better to lie than tell the truth if it means upset. [/quote]
He said he didn't sleep with anyone, which I don't even know if I believe or not

This is what you said. You either believe someone or you don't.

Men don't lie. Liars, lie. Like you are contemplating doing here, yet you aren't a man.

If you can't take him at is word, it's not a relationship you should be in.

So he dumped you, went on a date, decided he did want you after all and your worrying whether he loves you enough to accept you had sex with someone while you were single?

You also aren't sure if he's lied about not sleeping with his date?

And during all this he's changed and become a better person? Wow, he has been a busy boy.

Get back together with him then. You can experience what a nob he is and dump him this time.