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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can never really commit to a relationship

1 reply

Flatflatflat · 19/07/2021 16:28

Name changed for this post, looking for advice.
In short, first love cheated on me when I was 20 and left me, I know I was young but since then I have never really 'committed' to a relationship. I can love partners and I do stay with people, for years at a time, but the feelings never really run deep enough. If a partner wants 'out' after say 2 years I won't cry, I will feel sad for a few weeks but I know it's not the feelings others have. I cried every day for 6 months over the first one but something after that has shut off inside me. Is this normal? The only other relationship I had where I gave it my all was a domestically violent one and that was hard to leave, mentally, and I loved him, but he stalked me for 6 months after we broke up. He repeatedly cheated and I knew but kept going. Had very bad self esteem but a little better now. Looking for some advice really as I am with someone who is so lovely now but sometimes I just want to call it off for no reason at all. I think he's super nice but I could let go in a heartbeat. Not his fault, all mine. Not sure what I am looking for here just sharing what's happening in my head!

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/07/2021 16:36

It sounds like your early experiences have taught you to guard your heart and never be vulnerable. Does that ring a bell?

I am the same way but I'm happy like this. I'm too old for more children and I don't get much enjoyment from spending 24/7 with anyone (actually it makes me want to claw my skin off) but I love sex, so I just seek out FWB situations.

However if you do have the desire for more children and marriage, I'd suggest therapy with someone.

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