Name changed for this post, looking for advice.
In short, first love cheated on me when I was 20 and left me, I know I was young but since then I have never really 'committed' to a relationship. I can love partners and I do stay with people, for years at a time, but the feelings never really run deep enough. If a partner wants 'out' after say 2 years I won't cry, I will feel sad for a few weeks but I know it's not the feelings others have. I cried every day for 6 months over the first one but something after that has shut off inside me. Is this normal? The only other relationship I had where I gave it my all was a domestically violent one and that was hard to leave, mentally, and I loved him, but he stalked me for 6 months after we broke up. He repeatedly cheated and I knew but kept going. Had very bad self esteem but a little better now. Looking for some advice really as I am with someone who is so lovely now but sometimes I just want to call it off for no reason at all. I think he's super nice but I could let go in a heartbeat. Not his fault, all mine. Not sure what I am looking for here just sharing what's happening in my head!