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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

aibu

4 replies

Allycat1989 · 19/07/2021 13:33

hi, feeling very vulnerable right now, im on citalopram and have suffered with anxiety and depression for years, i have 3 kids and had post natal depression with the younger 2. so to get to the point, not long after having my 3rd child my husband had a Facebook account, then he opened a new one which he said was for weed groups only (yes he smokes weed which I dont have an issue with) then i sent a friend request on that account and he told me it was just for weed and he didnt want any family on there, so a few months later i had a look at his friends list and although there was weed accounts, there was also girls, some had a naked profile pic with cannabis leafs on the private parts, but the worst was yet to come when i discovered a girl that had caused trouble between us years ago (she kept coming onto him through texts etc, she doesnt live near us) when i confronted him he still said it was for weed, and at first couldnt see why i was hurt, he deleted her and then sent me a friend request, which by that point i didnt want. we eventually moved on from it although it still hurts me now. so to the present day, a few months ago he opened an Instagram account saying it was for weed, i was nervous deep down but even if it wasn't for weed i understand his right to have social media, but then yesterday i saw again lots of girls he had followed with half naked and provocative pics, i am heartbroken and told him and thought i was quite reasonable and explained calmly how it makes me feel, he deleted his account even though i begged him not too as i dont want to control his life like that, i just wanted to understand why he feels the need to do it, we have a good sex life and i do anything he wants to do, i even tell him to wake me at night if he wants sex and he does, so hes not deprived. im so hurt, i know i probably sound pathetic and honestly i feel it, im open to criticism and please be honest but try and be gentle with me. tia

OP posts:
judgejudyrocks · 19/07/2021 14:52

Why does he need different SM accounts "for weed"? Sounds more like he wanted a FB account that you couldn't monitor. And why is that, do you think? Would he be happy if you had a secret FB account, and added lots of men with nude profile pics?

Allycat1989 · 19/07/2021 15:07

hi, thanks for your reply, i couldnt understand why he needed a separate account either, at the time he didnt have a job that it could effect and all our families know he smokes it. i said to him if he would like it if i did the same and he gave the typical arsehole response that he wouldnt mind, but clearly thats rubbish.
there are two men at work who have been abit inappropriate to me, not physically but one keeps asking my out for coffee and the other leaves me notes with his number and hearts and kisses, i have told my hubby every single time and been completely transparent, he wanted to come to my work and confront them, so clearly he would be bothered if did what he's done.
thankyou for ur kind reply, x

OP posts:
SausageRoll2020 · 19/07/2021 15:35

Are you getting appropriate help for your health issues? ie talking therapies as well as medication?
I say this from a point of concern as your post suggests that you have incredibly low self respect.

Are you really happy that your husband takes drugs?
Are you really happy to be woken in the middle of the night for sex? Are you ever just not in the mood and do you communicate this?

You and your three children deserve to be in a safe trusting space without fear of cheating, drug addition and sex on demand.

If at all possible I would encourage you to get the help you need and if your partner isn't in the right head space to get support for his own problems then you would likely find it healthier to be apart from him.

3Britnee · 19/07/2021 16:00

Yanbu. He sounds vile. Leave him and I bet your anxiety etc gets much better.

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