My friend is having therapy and is sharing her experiences with me along with the handouts and reading material her therapist is sending to her. I have learned so much from this as well as supporting my mate.
I met someone a long time ago when I was really young at ice skating lessons. He came over and said 'I only have ice for you'. He was with his mother who was a youth worker and he had tagged along. He asked me for a drink and then a date. At the date he said he had the choice of going out with the skating teacher who looked like Christina Aguilera, or me and he had chosen me. I felt flattered.
He was an amateur photographer and had a cardboard box full of photographs (proper ones not on his phone or device). 95% of these were of his ex (I found out he had been dumped by her days before he zoned in on me). I hated this and ruminated on it all the time, causing arguments.
He said then that the ex was trying to get him back. I had become infatuated by this time and asked him what he was going to do. He said "I don't know she earns more than you". (He was 7 years older and I was a student). I just tried to work harder to keep him.
He also talked about a previous ex who was still friends with his sister and mum and how amazing they thought she was and wished he had never broken up with her.
He booked a weekend in London after we had been seeing each other three weeks and when we got there, and had eaten in an expensive restaurant (the first night out was at MaccyD's!) he said he couldn't pay and I had to fork out for the bill.
This led to arguments and me being demanding and jealous, attention seeking and being called names like stupid cow, demented, idiot etc.
I came to hate him.
It's only through my friend's therapy that I've realised these were early red flags and he was a terrible choice, but I was so insecure I wanted to prove I was worth it and picking me would validate me. In fact picking me was the Road to Hell.