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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do i do

13 replies

Motherofking · 18/07/2021 21:28

I have exams in 3 weeks. For the past year I have been preparing however I have also given birth and been at home with my now 1 year old. Ive asked my husband to ask his mum to watch our son so I can study and he said no his mum wouldn't be able to do it as she is older and our son will be too much for her . So I have basically had to deal with little sleep balancing our son , house choirs and studies . About 2 months ago I started looking for childminders, but luckily found a nursery which had spaces available. I spoke to the teacher and I really liked it . I was planning on going for an opening day and registering my son there for 2-3 days a week. My husband was against it due to covid and he doesn't want strangers watching his baby and told me his mum and sister agreed to watch him twice a week . I was happy about it and left the nursery option . Fast forward 2 months later his sister has only watched him for one full day and another day for 3 hours which she brought him back early . She's had excuses weekly . His mum has watched him once a week but I get the vibe that she has complained . Anyways I feel like I'm either going to fail or die. I went bed at 4 am last night due to my studies and was up at 7am with my son. I can't deal with the sleep deprivation , time is getting nearer and I'm getting stressed out because I don't have enough time. I have been speaking to a childminder who I spoke to 2 months ago but had to let down at the time . I want to take My son there but my husband might have alot to say . I don't know how to handle it

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 18/07/2021 21:35

Your husband sounds awful - I’m guessing your studies would give you greater earning power and more freedom?

Motherofking · 18/07/2021 21:38

@Merryoldgoat I get the feeling that he doesn't care . And yes it would definitely could be earning a good amount

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 18/07/2021 22:01

Is this new behaviour? Is there a reason you stay?

PepperPepperMan · 18/07/2021 22:05

Continue speaking to the child minder, arrange cover so you can study and pass your exams.

If your husband has anything to say, ask him what he suggest, you have exams in 3 weeks time and need to pass them.

He should be bending over backwards to support you here.

Motherofking · 18/07/2021 22:40

@PepperPepperMan

Continue speaking to the child minder, arrange cover so you can study and pass your exams.

If your husband has anything to say, ask him what he suggest, you have exams in 3 weeks time and need to pass them.

He should be bending over backwards to support you here.

Thank you i will just do that
OP posts:
Motherofking · 18/07/2021 22:42

@Merryoldgoat

Is this new behaviour? Is there a reason you stay?
it is not new behvaviour. I stay because i do love him and i want a family. I keep hoping he will start understanding things from my perspective but its tiring at this point
OP posts:
SixesAndEights · 18/07/2021 22:51

OP he's trying to sabotage your studies. Get your child to the childminder, pass those exams, get that better job, then get out. He will try to sabotage you getting a better job too so be prepared for that.

TheFoundations · 18/07/2021 22:54

I keep hoping he will start understanding things from my perspective

What do you think will motivate him to make this change? If he wanted the best for you, he'd be supportive, and if he wanted you to be happy, he'd be helping. All of the bad things have happened, and haven't prompted him to step up. What do you think will prompt him to step up?

Seesawmummadaw · 18/07/2021 22:58

Why does he get to make all of the decisions?
He’s not your boss.

He sounds like he doesn’t want you to pass. Maybe he’s scared of opportunities that will come from it.

FangsForTheMemory · 18/07/2021 23:04

You talk so much about what he wants. Is that what he does? Does he ever consider what you want?

Did you discuss childcare before you were pregnant? I can't help feeling that though you are not 'barefoot and pregnant' you are the 21st century version of it and he aims to keep you that way. If you don't reach a crunch point now, you are only postponing it. You need to have this out with him.

DismantledKing · 18/07/2021 23:06

He’s not going to change.
Please don’t even think of having any more children with this nasty bellend. It wouldn’t be fair on you or them.

lotsofchooksnducks · 18/07/2021 23:08

His behaviour is abusive.
However you do it, find a way to study snd pass those exams.
If he prevents that can you speak to the course provider and tell them you are under coercive control and maybe get a secret extension?

LadyGAgain · 18/07/2021 23:24

He's not going to change. And the fact that your studies are instrumental in a decent career and he's not willing to support that raise even more red flags. Put your child into necessary childcare. They aren't being brought up by strangers. His comment about this makes him sound very dim.
Get your qualifications and then sort out caress for your ex and his child. You don't need to live your life with this man.

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