Hi I am 30 weeks pregnant and am not having the best of times.
I already have a beautiful son (19 months) by a guy I've had a volatile on/off relationship with for three years. However, now that I'm in the third trimester of a second pregnancy, he doesn't want anything to do with me. He is, instead, spending all his time looking after an old male friend with health problems. He actually said "you don't need anyone to look after you" and "why should I pretend to care". So, I am all on my own and feel depressed.
I really HATE him. I had to drop our son off with him last night and he made me sit outside his house in the cold for 15min while chopping wood for the old guy. I wasn't even invited in for a cuppa. And, meanwhile, he is showing no interest in the birth (which, for various reasons, is now in a different country from where we both usually live) and made some flippant comment that my friend's idea of an au pair "sounds like a good one". I drove home crying - again - about the sad state of affairs and bringing another child into this crapness.
I can't sleep at night for worrying about how I will cope on my own with two tiny ones. Also, I'm fully supporting our son as the father doesn't work and has a small allowance from his mother, which he always spends on himself. I might be losing my job at Xmas (i.e. it won't be kept open for me) and I am v concerned about this.
I feel so resentful that I wish I could just tell him to get lost - for good. I'm sick of childcare being reneged on and used as a threat ("I'll go away and you won't see me"). I wish he WOULD go away. It has got to the point where I'd rather our son didn't see him either. However, I'm pretty sure it's unethical to withdraw contact with a child unless there's serious abuse or domestic violence involved (which there isn't - I just hate him).
I do have good friends who will help me. However, my English ones all work in the daytime and they all have children with supportive partners - which is like having one's nose rubbed in it even more. I know this is my own "fault" (i.e. for getting pregnant again by someone I know to be unreliable), and therefore I shouldn't really whinge, but it doesn't stop me feeling hurt and upset. I feel as if I will never meet anyone new and have possibly ruined my life (except for my beautiful son, who I'm v lucky to have).
Apologies for the self-pitying message when people have REAL problems out there but does anyone have any advice?