Older, wiser, knew better, still gutted

[MarylinMonrue]

Sigh.

Just out of another relationship with a wildly avoidant unavailable man who made me feel like a dependent mess for wanting basic stuff like being able to say 'I love you' and not being treated like a fun way to pass time until the life he really wants comes along.

Whyyyy do I keep doing this (jk, it's my childhood) but I really thought that after some therapy and a while off dating I was prepared :( Gutted as he is an untogether disaster but still a decent man at heart and we had some good times.

Bugger.

Have you all read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl?

Its all about why we go for emotionally unavailable men.

I ordered it and couldn't put it down, it was me to a tee.
I actually got it as my current partner is emotionally unavailable (he calls himself guarded as he has been cheated on twice) and I wanted to understand more.
What it made me realise is why I chose my husband, he was also emotionally unavailable and I was his Florence (Nightingale), he had mental health issues and a crap childhood and I thought I could save him and make him better.
I managed to extricate myself from an emotionally abusive marriage (filled with his emotional affairs) after 17 years. I'm 3 years out and still struggling with his legacy.

With my current partner (nearly 2 years) its more complicated as we started off as FWB as both of us didn't want a relationship.
I'm not sure where we're going but I know I'm struggling with knowing where I stand we've had a few recent chats but there is still more to talk about.
The problem is that the reason I go for emotionally unavailable men is because I'm also emotionally unavailable so it actually suits me but is not healthy.
With my current partner I'm Miss Independent (according to the book) and its so true, the description was very apt.

So, thanks mum and dad for bringing me up in an emotionally unavailable household.

Ah OP I hear you, it’s so hard. Unavailable men are my kryptonite!! It’s maddening. Wishing you strength

@SortingItOut that’s really interesting I think I may be emotionally unavailable. I was in a similar situation with my ex husband there was definitely Florence Nightingale dynamics he was both needy going on he was both needy and emotionally unavailable. I will order the books immediately.