Hello,
You might know my story I’ve posted before but if not some background before I get to my question, been with wife since we where teenagers 20+ years together got two adult children DD and DS, around 18 months ago my wife said she wanted us to take a break and within 24 hours revealed she had feelings for a coworker and we where over and that was it, I found out she has been texting him for months before. Around the same time she just totally went into vicious mode and blamed me for the entire situation, moved in with DD, said I worked too much (self employed) and spent too much money amongst anything else she could think of. I had to work hard as we bought our house when we where white young and without savings and the mortgage was an absolute fortune but we’ve since built a nice home, all bills where always paid on time and we had a nice car and your lucky if we had £2000 in debt with various things (credit cards, small loan etc) all of which btw was spending we both agreed to, so to try and sort the situation I sold all my stuff (my computer etc which was a prized possession to pay off the little debt we had) I’d never buy anything without making sure we both agreed on it. We never had to worry about money itself or if bills would get paid etc as the money was always there, I was the main bread winner and earned quite a bit more.
Anyway over the last 18 months I’ve picked me danced like a champ. She took OM within weeks of leaving to DD house and while DD accepted this at first if DW would say she didn’t want him in the DW would go into a strop making DD feel bad saying that she didn’t want her to be happy (DD and DW are no longer talking due to this and some other things) DW moved in with OM after being with him for only a few months but then started texting she loved me and that she made a mistake but was going to stay there for a few months and hope I’d wait for her and she’d text everyday saying she loved me etc until one day a few weeks later she text that she wanted me to go get her and I did and she left OM while he was at work.
After she came back she was initially all over me like a rash for the first couple of months, felt like we could get through it. Initially she was going to go back to work with him but I pleaded her not to as I couldn’t live with that so eventually she gave up work and I said I’d support us until she found something else. OM was driving past our house and was texting nasty shit about me and our DD, my DS didn’t want to ever meet him and lives with us while he’s finishing Uni. So after a few months she went cold and I had a gut feeling they where meeting but I ignored it, she played the being cold game trying to provoke arguments until one night we had an argument and she stormed out saying she was going to contact him, subsequently I found out she was in contact with him and they where at it.
I’d had enough and both DS and I moved out, I got a flat for us and walked away from our house, her plan was to move OM in. After I left he was going over to our house and of course doing the fucking deed in our bed. Anyway a few months past and she gets in touch and you guessed it says she’s made a massive mistake, she’s so sorry she can’t believe the horrible person she’s become and doesn’t want OM to move in and wants to be with me. So again I say ok let’s try again and we spend some time together over the next few months and eventually decide both me and DS will move back in so i give up my flat sell all my stuff (again) and about a week before I move back she decides she wants the OM to make her happy, she says she doesn’t want house and will move out so I moved both me and DS back in and that was 6 months ago and DW is still here still dating OM and paying fuck all towards the house.
Look I know that I have been a complete and utter fucking sap but i just can’t get out my head this “husband” mode, I know I am single and I shouldn’t give a fuck what she thinks but I just don’t seems to be able to do that. Example my car lease is ending and car goes back in January but the company I lease from contacted me to start arranging a new car as there are big delays on cars currently I said to them I was looking to buy this time as it’s too expensive to keep leasing as I have no trade in value, anyway turns out they had a car I want in stock and have offered to end lease now if I buy the car from them. The car is a bit more a month than I’d normally spend but well within my means, plus only more expensive because it’s brand new and I have no trade in. I’ve went ahead with it but I feel guilty about it and feel I shouldn’t be going ahead with it. Why do I feel that? All I can hear is my wife ringing in my head about money when she first left (although most of it was bullshit) and she’ll use its as a excuse as to why she’s done what she’s done. Why does she have such a hold, why do I even give a shit? My head is bursting feel like there is something wrong with me to think like this and accept such shit behaviour from her.