Feels like it's all left to me

[moolady1977]

My oh has been off work for four weeks down to him saying he feels anxious at work and then gets angry to try and cover the anxiety up . I've been working along hours at work and covering shifts and sometimes doubles to keep the place open and I'm coming home to no pots washed or washing done and him sat on sofa watching TV I'm then cooking cleaning and trying to keep the place tidy . At the minute it feels like he has checked out of home life because if I'm not doing it then it's being left for example I made a curry on Thursday night before I did a night shift , he didn't like it so I said well empty it in the bin and take it out for me please ,today I've had to empty the curry out and then sort the bin plus do all pots while he is still laid in bed . I'm meant to be going to see my parents today as it's my only day off for two weeks and he has no intention of moving but has said he wants a roast dinner today it just feels like it's all being left to me to sort out yet he is still wanting sex but again it's on his terms . I really feel like tipping a jug of cold water over him but I know I'll have to strip and change the bed again .

He's a lazy cunt treating you like a domestic appliance with a vagina attachment. Do you want to be with him? Why doesn't he do anything in the house?

go and see your parents.

And stay there.

OH indicates that you're not married OP. Do you have children?

Normally he does stuff round the house and I don't really have any issues but just lately it's like if I don't do it then it gets left . I've a few issues with anxiety and depression but I've always dragged myself up and made myself do stuff , I'm struggling at the minute after a fall at work and my eldest son has a health issue that we are struggling with but it does just feel like he has given up well until his daughter decides to spend time with him then he will just focus on her but once she goes home it's like he deflates and then it's back to the sofa and that's it , @pinkyredrose yes I want to be with I'm just struggling with it at the minute

@armanted we don't have children together no but my youngest son lives with us

Who owns the house?

How long have you been together?

I'd be pretty fucking close to kicking him out.

So he’s well enough for a roast dinner and sex but can’t wash a pot. Hmm very convenient.

If he was my husband he would not be getting either a roast dinner or sex and I'd probably have kicked him out too.
I have no time for this cuntish behaviour.

Is this how you want to live? Because if you are doing all the housework and earning all the money while he lies in his bed then he will never change. Why would he ?

He sounds really depressed OP- has he been to the docs? Is he on any medication?

Not too depressed for sex on his terms though
What’s he doing to help himself get better? Since he’s doing absolutely fuck all to help you.

@Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx he has been to the doctors and got some tablets but I can't even tell you if he is taking them .
I've got a taxi and gone to my parents and he is still laid in bed so I'll eat with them and go back later

Tell him you'd love a roast and thanks, if he can get it ready by the time you get home from your parents that would be lovely. .

Its being left to you because he’s lazy and you’re doing a good impression of a doormat. Next time he asks for something, tell him to do it himself. Why are you being a doormat?

Get rid of this loser and stop being a doormat. Set a good example for your child because this isn't it.

Honestly - why are you bothering with him?

He does sound depressed, how long is he signed off work for?

@moolady1977 - I've got a taxi and gone to my parents and he is still laid in bed so I'll eat with them and go back later

I've got a taxi and gone to my parents and he is still laid in bed so I'll eat with them and won't bother to go back later...

^ THERE ^

Corrected this for you.

I think if this is completely out of character and he normally helps around the house, then it's likely down to his mental health. You can't just up and leave like some other have suggested if he is normally good around the house; what happened to in sickness and in health. I think you need a calm but serious chat with him. Starting with him taking his medication and also seeking some help/ counselling. Getting out for a walk every day will do him good too. Explain how all this is affecting you but try to avoid an argument. I would ask him directly, but calmly, why he isn't helping and if he thinks that is fair on you.

I also think that he is not actually helping himself by relying on you far too heavily.

If he's depressed, then he needs to be doing more to help himself.

You need to tell him that you are also struggling under the combined weight of your DC's illness, your own mental health struggles and that you cannot ALSO now be left responsible for all domestic duties and HIS bloody mental health !

So he either gets up and gets busy doing at the very least HIS 50% of domestic duties, or he can leave as you cannot continue to support everyone at the cost of your mental and physical health.

I'd also be telling him that because of the HUGE physical/mental strain you are under, trying desperately to keep the family 'afloat', there's not a hope in hell of you cooking or wanting sex ! Tell him that when he's behaving like a child, expecting you to cook/clean for him, instead of with him, you're treating him like a child, and that can never be sexy ffs.

Sorry I haven't replied , things have gone hectic here my boy is really poorly and I been at the hospital and running round crazy but on a good note me breaking down in tears must have scared the oh as he is doing stuff in house again and pulling his weight

@moolady1977

Glad to hear he's actually doing something, but sad to hear it took you breaking down in tears to get him to even notice .

I hope your DS feels better quickly, and that at some point, you get some rest too.