Friend talks about herself constantly

[Conundrum12345]

I've a friend who CONSTANTLY talks about herself. The topic could be to do with anything else or anybody else and she centre it around herself. Its through all mediums, in person, over text and calls.
Honestly its so draining. EVERYTHING is drama

I've tried changing the topic, or just not replying. On the off chance I get asked how I am it immediately gets turned around to all about her. She's always been like this, but its got worse over the years.

Does anyone have any advice?

Sorry about your miscarriage and unsupportive friend. I had very similar and backed away/unfriended. She’s not asked why.

I'm really sorry about your miscarriage.

I struggle with friendships, feel self conscious and inferior so try to prove myself and be entertaining.

I know I am hard to be around when I am in this mode, but when I feel self conscious it just starts.

I get phased out a lot!

Could you gently address it - okay Maisie, today we are going to talk about me! If said win a smile it might work.

My older brother has no real conversation. He doesn't get to know people, he tells endless and I mean endless anecdotes about things that have happened to him. Me and other people have said to him "you really need to stop talking now because it's time to come to the table/sing happy birthday/Auntie Madge is going home" and he literally won't stop until he's finished his tale. It's a shame cos I quite like him but it drives me nuts and a few hours in his company is enough.

I suspect Aspergers. We have other family members with the diagnosis.

"Could you gently address it - okay Maisie, today we are going to talk about me! If said win a smile it might work."

I think this is a very good idea.

I just find it all quite draining. We could be talking or texting and it's normal then the conversation will just switch. I find myself just so annoyed and its happening more than usual.

I do like her, she's a kind person so I'm wondering if there's a way to resolve this. I think she'd get very offended if I brought up her narcissistic qualities

I’m honestly wondering if you’re describing one of my close friends (probably not, but it’s startling that so many of them exist). She’s got a lot of good qualities but it’s genuinely gobsmacking, and to be honest, the boasting is quite disproportionate to how impressive the things she’s boasting about are, particularly her job. She would 100% have that conversation re your miscarriage. No advice, but sympathy! I’m sorry to hear of it

She sounds like my SIL

I do like her, she's a kind person so I'm wondering if there's a way to resolve this. I think she'd get very offended if I brought up her narcissistic qualities

This seems full of contradiction. Not listening to other people and talking about yourself all the time isn't kind. Narcissistic tendencies aren't kind.

If you don't feel you can tell her how you feel, she's not a kind friend.

@TheFoundations

I do like her, she's a kind person so I'm wondering if there's a way to resolve this. I think she'd get very offended if I brought up her narcissistic qualities

This seems full of contradiction. Not listening to other people and talking about yourself all the time isn't kind. Narcissistic tendencies aren't kind.

If you don't feel you can tell her how you feel, she's not a kind friend.

I don't know. I've had a few friends like this and all of them are kind in some way - they are generous materially for example, or they are outgoing and suggest interesting things to do or throw great dinner parties with fantastic food and music. But over the years, you feel you are being paid off - a random bunch of flowers in return for hours and hours of free therapy and their self-absorbed monologues. Doesn't equate.

Is she a narcissist? I have a friend similar - she needs a drama and talks about herself +++++
I’ve learnt to detach more. She had a very damaged childhood and I wonder if she was never heard - my sister is similar - they are desperate for attention and it’s me me me.
I have never called her out on it but reduce contact with her.
She has no other friends.
I feel very selfish if I talk about myself for too long - I’m the opposite of my sister who I no longer have contact with.
I’m sorry for your loss.💐

@Whydidimarryhim

Is she a narcissist? I have a friend similar - she needs a drama and talks about herself +++++ I’ve learnt to detach more. She had a very damaged childhood and I wonder if she was never heard - my sister is similar - they are desperate for attention and it’s me me me. I have never called her out on it but reduce contact with her. She has no other friends. I feel very selfish if I talk about myself for too long - I’m the opposite of my sister who I no longer have contact with. I’m sorry for your loss.💐

I'm not sure. I just think she feels she tops everything else thats going on. I'm not sure if its insecurity

I had a friend like this. It felt like I was her counsellor as all I seemed to do was listen to endless tales of her workplace, personal life etc. if I tried to talk she’d butt in and simply talk over me. I realised she had no interest in my life at all the day I told her I’d started a new job . All she could say was “ That’s good to get a job at a time like this”- then straight back talking about herself again.
I don’t see her any more as I realised it was exhausting and frustrating spending time with her.
Sorry about your miscarriage Op.

I used to be a bit like this with people, with the non-stop talking and the self-interest. I did start to realise I was doing it though. These days I’m more of a listener than a talker, and I’m actually a bit self-conscious about talking too much now because I do have this tendency. Like other people have said, it depends if there’s malice there or not. Malice is never acceptable in a friendship.

@stealingbeauty

I used to be a bit like this with people, with the non-stop talking and the self-interest. I did start to realise I was doing it though. These days I’m more of a listener than a talker, and I’m actually a bit self-conscious about talking too much now because I do have this tendency. Like other people have said, it depends if there’s malice there or not. Malice is never acceptable in a friendship.

There definitely isn't malice with her, I'm not sure she even recognises shes doing it tbh

I’ve had friends like that. It really depends on what they’re like otherwise as to whether They’re good friends or not IMO.

I had one friend in the past who was lovely apart from talking about herself too much. I saw her the day after I had my follow up appointment after my one IVF cycle failure. I’d failed to produce a single embryo due to there being no eggs, and hence been told that there was virtually no chance of me having a healthy baby through IVF. (We’ve since adopted.). Anyway, this friend went on and on about her morning sickness during our lunch together.

She was clueless rather than self-absorbed, though, she could be kind in other ways.

I had another friend who would constantly moan about her own issues and couldn’t take it on the very rare occasions when I needed some support myself. I remember her once telling me to ‘change the subject’ when I was going through a bereavement because she was afraid that it would happen to her as well.

But she was selfish in other ways, too. In the end, I backed away from her friendship when it became clear to me finally that she was a user. (She’d conned me into loaning her a substantial sum of money on the basis that she was about to sell one of her two properties and she would then be able to pay me back. It turned out that her debts exceeded the value of her two properties.)

Anyway, the point I’m making is that i believe it depends whether this friend of yours has other qualities that make her someone that you actually like to spend time with. (Although her response to your miscarriage does make her sound very selfish and not really a friend to you at all.)