I should be over it by now.

[SnowyWinterDays]

I'm struggling so badly to get over an 'almost' relationship! I have crazy dreams every night about him that seem so real and I wake up confused and upset. They are so realistic and most of the time I'm looking for him and can't find him.

I should be over this, it's been months. I can see how things weren't right and he never treated me as I deserve. I was basically a placeholder until he was ready to date someone he liked.

I'm completely NC but it's not making the hurt go away. I feel so used by him and silly for believing what he said.

I still don't feel ready to date...but it's been ages and I'm just here suffering whilst he's happily dating.

I've never felt like this about anyone before, I cared about him so much and thought he cared too, he didn't.

Not sure what I'm hoping to.get out of this post
....I should be over it by now ☹

What is an 'almost relationship'?

Is it someone you dated for a while?

We dated only for a few months but have had contact until until I went NC. It was never really official though as in a relationship.

Oh I know what you mean. You never got a chance to discover his faults though. You're really stuck with an idealised version and you're grieving a more perfect person than if you'd dated for six months!

Did he do the whole ''this is not a relaitonship'' thing, while ignoring every boundary between a friendship and a relationship?

By the sounds of it, you're grappling with more than the loss of some half in half out guy.
You're accepting that you allowed your boundaries to be eroded and that you didn't prioritise what you want out of a relationship.
I've been there, it's much harder to deal with.

But a man did this half in half out stuff to me six years ago and it changed me for the better. Too late in life sadly. But still, I would never allow myself to be treated like somebody's option c

In this sort of scenario where you recognise that it wouldn't have worked and he wasn't treating you properly anyway I think ideally you should be thinking 'Why would I want to be with anyone who treated me less than I deserve/ used me as a placeholder?' If you're not in that place mentally then why not? Are there self esteem issues that you need to work on, and if so, how do you go about that?

Sometimes fixations on others, especially when a relationship has not been fully developed, can be about qualities you perceive them as having that you feel you are lacking in yourself and would like to develop more. So eg. someone could be a not very nice person in a lot of ways but they were very confident and self-assured and that's an area where you could do with development. In which case then independently cultivating those skills / qualities may help you move on.

I get you OP. Situationships can really hurt because it seems like the relationship hasn't come to a natural end.

There's no time frame to get over anyone. Be kind to yourself

Have you tried the "getting over your ex" hypnosis videos on YouTube?

Thank you for the replies.

I think one of you is spot on in that I never stuck up for myself and let myself be an option. It feels awful how I let myself be treated. I guess I thought if I was patient and understanding he would appreciate it...not walk all over me. How do I get over letting myself me a doormat ! I'm way too trusting and took him at his word thar he did want me even though his actions proved otherwise.

Yes - lined always blurred and no real clarity of what we 'were. I was always uncertain really and insecure.

I can see this so I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him.

I've not tried hypnosis videos no....I'm willing to try anything though.

I mean it's been ages now....I'm still feeling like this.

I can't get the motivation to date...I don't tryst my own judgment of people anymore.

suggestions yes it must be a self esteen thing....I don't know how to improve though and go about it 😔

I think you're right I admired traits of him. I liked how he could be so 'sensible' whereas I'm more emotional.

He was also the only man I truly opened upto about my insecurities etc...I thought I could trust him.

I can't believe how wrong I got it.