Dh and I have been together nearly 25 years. He’s a good man and has always done his share of everything. The children (mid to late teens) adore him. We get in okay - no arguments or anything. Financially okay and both have good jobs.
I’m questioning everything recently. I have been having counselling for general anxiety the last 12 months. We have explore how I feel in my relationship recently and all of the feelings have come to the surface.
We met when I was 16 and he was 17. I idolised the ground he walked on and he knew it. He never really felt the same about me though I don’t think. When I unexpectedly became pregnant at 20 he was amazing. We bought a house and got married when DS was 6 months old. Our children have always been the most important people in his life. I kind of got pushed to the side. I sound jealous and I’m not at all but everything was about the children. He wouldn’t have a takeaway when the kids went to bed because it wasn’t fair on them, he wouldn’t have a babysitter for us to ever go out because we were parents and had responsibilities.
18 years ago we moved away from our hometown for Dhs job. I have really built a life for myself here and would never think of moving from the area now. Dh, apart from work has not made a life here. He has a few friends in the area but makes no effort with them whatsoever. He goes out about once every 18 months. I go for dinner with my friends once a month, walks with a friend weekly and I see another friend fortnightly. We never do anything with other couples. Dh has always said he doesn’t feel like it.
When the children were younger and we never went out he always talked about when they were older and could be left for an evening (youngest is 15 now) we would do things - meals, cinema, etc. We do nothing. I’m this evening as the weather was glorious did he fancy a walk by the river and stop at the local pub for one. He said it was too late. It was 6.30pm! We haven’t been on holiday in 8 years because he doesn’t want to.
Dh had an accident 12 years ago and we have had sex half a dozen times since. There is nothing medically stopping him getting an erection. Sorry for too much info but I have given him plenty of blowjobs in that time. He ejaculates, thanks me and then leaves me high and dry. I stopped giving them about 2 years ago. He occasionally asks for one and I say no. I have begged him to speak to a doctor but he won’t. He is 100% not having an affair and he hates porn. His sex drive just disappeared with the accident. It was dwindling a bit before that. He has no other side affects from the accident apart from a few scars on his arms and legs. I shamefully have also asked him for an open marriage and he refused.
I got upset tonight watching a programme and the husband complimented his girlfriend when she walked out of a room. I couldn’t remember the last time he said anything nice about me. He’s not horrible at all but he doesn’t give compliments. I compliment him a lot.
This evening I lost it a bit with him. I told him I felt he was only married to me because he liked the status of being married/childhood sweethearts. I raged at him that he had made the decision for me to be celibate with out any input from me and if he cared that much about our marriage he would have seen a doctor. I told him that for the past 20 years he has fed me with false promises and hope that I was stupid enough to believe. I told him if I had the money to leave I would. This shocked him. He said he was sorry. But that was it. I don’t know how to move forward.
There is no way we can afford to sell the house and run two homes even if one was a flat. We don’t have the equity or the earnings to do that. So I’m stuck. I honestly don’t know if I want to put any effort in.
I’m sorry this is such a ramble I just needed to get it out.