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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my marriage over

15 replies

TAURUS99 · 17/07/2021 23:43

Hi everyone could really do with advice as feel like I'm being a paranoid wreck.
Married for 20 years now and the last 2 years my husband shows no affection and sexlife has disappeared.
He's not having an affair as only goes to work and comes home. When I ask him why ? He keeps saying I have never really had a sex drive or get urges like other men.
I'm finding this hard to believe 😪 also he never asks me how my days gone or tells me how lovely i look and seems irritated alot of the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏

OP posts:
dryasaboner · 17/07/2021 23:46

Lots of affairs happen in the workplace so it is possible but not the only answer. I'm in the same situation as it happens

Original poster
TAURUS99 · 17/07/2021 23:57

And what have you done about it ?

OP posts:
Graphista · 18/07/2021 01:04

He's not having an affair as only goes to work and comes home.

My ex was shagging ow at work in lunch breaks in empty offices

2 years is a long time to not properly address whatever the reason is.

How old is he/was he 2 years ago? Any major life events/stressors at the time? Change of job?

Hopeisnotastrategy · 18/07/2021 05:29

Check his browser history. Sorry. 💐

Terminallysleepdeprived · 18/07/2021 05:42

Afford isn't the only answer.

Op could he be depressed? Or suffering from ED and too embarrassed to say?

sunsun177 · 18/07/2021 05:43

He might be stressed??

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 05:50

Maybe he's happy OP.. as he is ..

you clearly unhappy... have you considered leaving 🌸

girlmom21 · 18/07/2021 06:20

Have you had a proper conversation about any of the issues apart from sex?

JustGiveMeGin · 18/07/2021 06:21

I worked in an office attached to a very old warehouse building, believe me he could easily be shagging at work.

It isn't necessarily an affair and he could be telling you the truth, just don't dismiss it as impossible and do some digging I would say.

ShimmyYay · 18/07/2021 06:28

He could just be a bit of a grumpy old man with little sex drive ? I’m in my 30s and can genuinely confirm some of my friends fiancees/husbands don’t require a lot of sex (as wild as this may sound) because we’re always told that men a always horny and up for it but I don’t think that the truth …

Original poster
TAURUS99 · 18/07/2021 08:13

Yes I've tried talking to him and he seems to listen for that day but then nothing changes.
And as for checking browsing history I can't as takes phone everywhere🙄even crossed my mind he might be gay.

OP posts:
peridito · 18/07/2021 08:46

But him listening is only half of it isn't it? You make it sound that you're delivering instructions/wishes and he takes them on board for a short while .

There needs to be a discussion ,you both need to listen and he needs to talk and tell you what's going on with him .

dryasaboner · 18/07/2021 10:58

@TAURUS99

And what have you done about it ?
He is literally on his last chance. And I will 100% leave after the period I've given for him to make an improvement
Anothernick · 18/07/2021 14:22

If your sex life was OK for 18 years and it's only the past two that things have gone downhill then it can't be true the he "has never really had a sex drive." Its very unusual for a healthy man to have no sex drive especially if he is in an LTR with regular sex. Obviously it could be OW, porn etc but is there a possibility he could be depressed? Have you tried to have sex and he has not been able to perform? Men can get into a downward spiral - they can't get it up so they get depressed and because they are depressed it makes it more difficult to get it up. This could also explain his irritation.You need to try and get him to open up about the issue.

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 14:36

Why MUST he have a sex drive ?

if a woman posted in here that she lost her sex drive and her husband was pressurising her to get it resolved.. the responses would be very different Im convinced..

OP if you can't live like this then for your sake you should consider leaving .. best of luck 🌸

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