I would like to start dating right now but...

[Confusedlover1999]

...I'm really insecure about my body. My BMI is one point over the healthy range, so I am hardly very overweight or obese. But I'm wobbly and untoned on my tummy, bum and thighs, with cellulite in my buttocks. I still get a lot of (unwanted) glances from (undesirable) men and lovely compliments from women so I'm not unattractive physically, but I would like to get working out to lose a little more weight and tone up and feel more confident before dating. This may take another 6-8 weeks. But i'm feeling frustrated as I'm really keen to get dating asap as I'm hitting my late 30s and I would like to meet someone special to settle down with. I know I may sound shallow and vain, and of course finding someone is so much more than just about physical appearances, but I'm really not - it's just that my ex used to make critical comments about my body all the time, so I have internalised that to some extent. It's summer, and I'm lonely, and I would just like to meet someone (if he exists that is). I don't know why I'm posting, just to vent and for some advice really. Thanks for reading.

You don't sound shallow and vain at all OP, it's normal to want to feel at your best when you're putting yourself out there. Don't apologise for that!

I would still dip my toe into dating and just continue with your weight loss plan as you go. It could take 6-8 weeks to meet someone you actually can be arsed with anyway. Plus there will be lots of men who think you're gorgeous as you are!

I felt similar when I went back to OLD recently, I felt a bit fat compared to my pictures, and I've been dieting and lost 10lbs (intermittent fasting - exercise is better but I'm lazy), but haven't even wanted to get my kit off for any of the blokes I've met so far anyway.

Don't beat yourself up and have fun 😊

Post a full length photo onto your profile. Go dating, not all men like skinny women. Some love curves, and the more the better! There's someone for everyone! Most women have some cellulite, that's what makes us women! Embrace, your ex was an insecure arse.

Join a site and start chatting.... it may take a couple of weeks to go on a date... thats 2 weeks off your time frame and you are at 4-6 weeks.

You need to love yourself first. Don’t worry about dating right now. Focus on doing what you need to do to feel good about yourself. I did this, and coincidentally met my now partner of 9 years not long after (our paths just crossed - I wasn’t actively dating).

Just go for it, I'm a 16/18 and get plenty of offers(married so I don't take them up on them!)
Men are not stupid, they have a good idea what's under the clothes we wear (have you ever been with a man and got into bed with him only to suddenly be repulsed by his physique? No? Because you generally have a rough idea what you are getting before you get to that point!)
I mean this kindly, do not waste your life waiting until you are just that bit thinner (or just had your hair done, had that facial etc etc) a man that likes you will like you regardless and a man that wouldn't isn't worth it.
Have a proper pamper session, make yourself feel as good as possible right now and get yourself out there.

I wouldn’t wait to start dating. And 1 point over the (outdated) BMI scale is barely overweight. It’s all about how comfortable you feel, but I would go for it now - you don’t know how long it’ll take for you to meet someone you like.

Start getting into shape and dating all at once because obsessing over one thing isn't the best idea. Men like all different shapes and sizes but the most important thing is that you love yourself first and I bet you are stunning

The best thing that you can wear is a smile & ooze confidence !

If people don't like me/you, then that is their loss

I want
Kind
Funny
Adventure
Passion for life

Nobody is perfect inside or out

Yes I've had some unkind comments from people due to a physical characteristic that I can't change, but I just think & get on with my life

Be yourself !

To clarify, there is someone for everyone

It's not all about looks

Love yourself first

I am lucky, I found someone who loves me for being me

I'm in the same boat as you except I'm carrying considerably more ballast! I've put off dating "just until I lose weight" for about ten years now, and I'm bigger now than I ever have been. I feel like I've left it too late now because I no longer have youth on my side, but deep down I also know that I've been using my weight as an excuse to not put myself out there. I can't suffer rejection if I never try, can I? Don't get years down the line and end up like me!

Could you just date as a bit of fun. Just take it as company. There are a lot of people right now just looking to get out of the house and enjoy summer. It doesnt have to be about more than that. If they like you, great, if not, at least you got out and got some sun.

Also, if you like a guy and know you are seeing him next week again , you'll be much more likely to stick to your diet.

I've been dating this summer even though I want to lose half a stone. It was in the back of my mind that if I found one I reslly liked then I would have liked to be slimmer before any...nakedness. But l mean none of them have remotely peaked my interest in that department and if they were going to I'd probably know a few weeks before hand. Besides, let's face it, when it comes to sex, men are not fussy.

Fwiw when I started dating I was at my thinnest ever, having just been through divorce and lost 3 stone through stress.

DP had spent the previous few months at the gym, getting fit and building muscle. He was clearly very pleased with himself when we first met

Fast forward to now, and we’ve both piled on some timber and luckily both of us still find each other very attractive. If we were the types who only liked someone thinner we’d both be quite disappointed at this point!

My point is, you’re better off meeting someone who likes you at any weight than losing weight and then having someone disapprove if you put any back on. We all fluctuate from time to time and the problem with OLD is that there’s a seemingly endless supply of new people just waiting to meet us, so someone who is hung up on your physical appearance will be less likely to weather the storms and stick around when there’s a whole world of available women out there.

You’d be better off building up some meaningful connections with men who aren’t just looking for a certain body type.

You could also probably use some counselling if your ex’s voice is still so prevalent in your mind. His opinion of you is totally irrelevant and will cause you issues as you go forward if you can’t shut him up!

There's no harm in looking for a new activity you might enjoy. Zumba / boxfit / couch 2 5k? As long as you're clear to yourself that this is for you and if you don't like it, you'll drop it.

No need to wait on that before looking at dating, though. If you find something you want to stick with, it isn't for the person you might be seeing. It's for you.