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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Controlling dh - is this on?

5 replies

tortoiseshell · 07/11/2004 08:33

I just wanted to tell you about last evening, and see what our thoughts were. I'm feeling quite sad about the way things went, but maybe I'm being unreasonable. Picture the scene - dh works quite long hours in the week, and often doesn't get home until 8 or 9 in the evening, and some evenings later, so I often have the kids all day on my own, and then put them to bed on my own too. Dh is great when he's here, and helps with bedtime, but it is about 50% of the time I would say. He is also really helpful in the house.

Anyway, yesterday, dh had a workshop day to do with our work, from 12 till 4, so he had to go out about 11. The only plan we had as a family was to go out to fireworks which started at 6, so I was looking forward to that. By 5, I was beginning to realise that he was not going to get back in time, and at 5.35 he phoned to say would it be ok to go out to the pub with the guy leading the workshop, who is a very highly regarded professional in our field. (Sorry to be vague). So by this time, even had he left and come back home straight away we would have missed the fireworks, so I said that was fine. By the time he got home at 8.15, I'd put the kids to bed, and we decided to get a Chinese takeaway. Here come the real fireworks....

I had the audacity to watch the X-factor results show. Dh hates pop music. Cue total row about how he doesn't like me to watch cap on the television, he doesn't want to waste his life watching cap television (he was upstairs while it was on, and the chinese arrived when the end credits were rolling so he wasn't watching it anyway), and why couldn't I have some standards and only watch decent stuff. He then went into a depression which he woke up still in, all because I watched some light entertainment programme. Reasonable?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 07/11/2004 08:35

unreasonable .. but he's probably knackered

I'd just laugh at him to be honest and try to have a lovely family today

misdee · 07/11/2004 08:40

tell him, you dont like people drinking in pubs as you think its comman

WideWebWitch · 07/11/2004 08:40

Nah, he was not reasonable. But men are sometimes crap (I am too) at saying what it's really about. Maybe what it was really about was that he wanted your full attention (y'know, like a toddler) and that's why he didn't want you to watch it. Now if that was the case of course, he could have said "darling, I've missed you today and I really would like your company, how about I get us a glass of wine and we have a chat?" Would have got my attention anyway! I think YOU were very reasonable to say it was OK to go to the pub - I work full time and whether I was with a highly regarded professional or not, had I arranged to go to the fireworks with my family I'd have turned down a pub invitation. So you're in the right (I'm so predictable in my replies to these threads aren't I?) IMO.

GRMUM · 08/11/2004 06:04

I get this sometimes from my dh , but I just tell him I feel the same about the endless hours of football that he watches! We each have our own way of chilling out.

tortoiseshell · 08/11/2004 15:36

Thanks for the responses - helps to restore a sense of perspective! I've let him off on grounds of being tired...!

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