I'm hoping this will be a naughty thread...

[DitavonTeese]

...but only because I desperately need help! I've been with my DH for 9 years and as both of us were sexually inexperienced before we got together we don't have the benefit of past sexual partners to 'inform' our sex life.

Apparently he loves what I do to him, but sadly it's not reciprocated. I've never had an orgasm with him except by my own doing, and I just find he can be a bit ham-fisted in the way that he handles me. I've told him many times what I do and don't want him to do, I've bought books to help him come up with ideas, but although he's frustrated that he can't please me, nothing seems to change. Somehow my sexual imagination seems to get him going more than his does for me.

Our sex life is not helped by the fact that I had a third degree tear just over a year ago. We've not actually had sex since I gave birth. I'm apprehensive about getting back down to it because I still experience some pain from the tear, but I'd really like us to start back with a new, sexy approach to nooky.

So...women! Tell me what your partner does that really gets you going!

get in the shower, plenty of bath oil, and inform him he is not allowed to touch you anywhere remotely sexual.

Actually my Dh has this look he gives me that immediatly loosens my thighs but thats no help to you.

My Dh is an oral sex genius. He takes his time, but most of all he enjoys it (Or at least seems to)

Does he do oral?

Get him to stroke you all over with his finger tips.. avoiding the nether regions.. until you are mad for him not to avoid them!

Shop for some bits and bobs on the Ann Summer website together.

Will be back with more ideas shortly.. DH and I are alternating at the ironing pile (it's huge) in 15 minute-ly sessions! (Sorry.. that's not very sexy is it!!!)

i don't normally indulge in threads of this nature, but, i did read once, a tip for men who are not sure what to do for oral sex, get him to spell out the alphabet with his tongue

He'd have to write quite quickly, to please me!!!

LOL at your suggestions! I'm feeling more positive already. I'm thinking I ought to splash out on some nice undies as well as a vibrator.

Paula - yes, he does do oral, though not very well. I think the alphabet idea could be a winner in that department.

Please keep the ideas coming - who knows, we might be having sex before Xmas at this rate!

lol this is going to be a fun thread to keep watching
share a bath, with some yummy oil -ooh no i don't mean eat it i meant something nice smelling and lock the door!
can't he do a bit of massage or something? when i ask for my sore neck to be rubbed/made better there is often a bonus -erm, "cure" thrown in. and oral is defo the best 'O' i could ever wish for.

get a pet rabbit

Do everything EXCEPT actually have sex. Oil, massages, etc are definitely good recommendations.

Kiss, touch, explore, tease etc, etc. Have an evening where he just concentrates on your pleasure. He could start with a massage, then start gently kissing your neck and moving down to your breasts, but taking it all VERY SLOWLY. When he progresses further down, he doesn't have to use his tongue the whole time, could use fingers and thumb also.

Plenty of oil, fingers and tongue and reassurance and TALK. Know it sounds weird but if you say things like - "mmm, that feels so good, keep doing it" or "just move your fingers up a little". Positive comments rather than "oh i don't like that" or "i can't feel that, it's not doing anything for me". The more positive comments you give, the more confidence he'll get.

Maybe have a glass of wine before hand so you are both more relaxed. Snogging is also a v good way to get you in the mood (well works for me!). When was the last time you kissed each other until you were breathless?

Oh and promise him that after your evening of pleasure, he can have one too!!

Sometimes actually not having sex, but doing everything else, can help you concentrate on the sensations and the feelings associated with pleasure.

Oh, and a womans biggest erogenous zone is her brain.

MH - thank god for you - I thought I was the only one who was like that - I enjoy all the things before the actual penetration.

DT - I know what you are saying - I have a wonderful hubby but have a very low sex drive - we have 2 kids and 1st i had a bad birth so it really put me off - then after 2nd had bad PND so my fear is having another - I had an EP so cannot take any precaution so have to rely on DH who would dearly like another kids but I know my mental heal would not cope with it. I would love us to have a healthy sex life but we don't - i do not know how he puts up with me ! i would like to get down to it more but don't know how to get the feeling - so I am watching this thread to see what advice you get. Hope it improves and if it does tell me how Is the thought of it always better than the real thing?