Telling exH you have a new partner

[SaintVal]

I wasn't sure where to post this. ExH and I have DS6 together. He left me nearly 5 years ago (for another woman) and I have been single the whole time ... until now. I've met a lovely man and we're so happy - we used to work together 30 years ago.

Anyway, new man is going to meet DS and we're having a day out - he's not staying over. I just wondered how/when I should tell my ex about this. Obviously DS will mention it. I don't know why I feel so uneasy - I think it's because I've been on my own this whole time and it changes the dynamic and I'm expecting ex to get chippy about it.

I get on fine with ex now but I can't help thinking he likes the fact Im single and that there's no other man in our son's life. It's kind of none of his business but then again it is.

Am I overthinking? I would be interested to hear how others deal with this. Thanks!

I think it depends on how old your child is.
If under 9 I might say ‘oh by the way, Dc might mention meeting xx, my new partner, as I have introduced them. Just letting you know’ before the child next speaks to him.

I don't think you should say anything. It's giving him power. It's none of his business at all.

It's not about power @NeilBuchananisBanksy, this is about doing what I think is right and as others have pointed out, protecting my son from any tension that may arise out of my telling his Dad about my new friend. I don't want DS to feel uncomfortable: he is my main concern here.

I wouldn't make a specific message / conversation about having met someone. But I would just drop it in to a conversation that you would have anyway.

Because in a way it's like asking for permission.

My ex was quite put out when I met someone else. Because I think he thought I would be single forever and that my only focus should be on the DC. Similar situation, he is still with the ow he cheated on me with. I have accepted that now. But he really didn't take awfully well to me moving on......

Thank you @isthismylifenow - that's exactly how I think my ex is going to feel. Of course that's his problem but I don't want that to impact on DS. I'm sure they quite like the fact we've been on our own all this time!

He has no right to get chippy about anything, he left you for another woman who presumably sees your DS when he is there.

I would tell him, and @girlmom21 message is perfect.

The important thing is your DS not feeling under pressure. So I think better to have everything in the open.

I started dating around 2yrs after splitting with my H. My DS was 13 then. I told him that I'd been seeing someone and said it was totally his choice if he wanted to tell his dad. After meeting my new partner, who was black, DS said "I don't think I will tell dad because he's turned awfully racist since you left" 😒

Ex had moved hundreds of miles away with his new partner so there was no risk of him finding out.

But op be prepared for him getting bitchy when you tell him. Even when you were the one walking away, it can be hard to hear that a partner has moved on. Hopefully he'll just have a sulk for a day of two then give himself a shake and grow up.

Why don't you tell him afterwards. This means he can't then have an opinion on if it's a good idea or not, and you then have to potentially end up in a dispute. Have your meeting and then tell him

'Hi, just so you're aware, dc met my bf today, it went well and dc was happy'