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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't think I can put up with it anymore.

11 replies

fruitpastillelolly · 17/07/2021 19:42

I'm in an unhappy relationship. He's an alcoholic in denial, works as little as possible so doesn't earn much, but also does hardly anything around the house. Maybe loads the dishwasher twice a week, has hoovered once in the past year etc. I do everything else.

I work weekdays, usually at work at 7am until 5pm, then another hour or so in the evenings, plus work at home at the weekends. Work is consuming, which is probably why I've lasted this long, as I'm just too tired to even think beyond the job and taking care of the house. Just feel like I'm only good for cooking meals, cleaning and paying the bills.

He stayed up all night last night drinking and insisted on us watching a comedy show we'd been looking forward to, at 9am. I said there's no point because he wouldn't remember watching it. He'd probably had 2 bottles of wine at that point. But he went ahead and put it on anyway.

I know it's all crap and I want out. I just don't know how to say it to him. What do I need to prepare? No kids, joint mortgage, three lovely cats.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2021 19:44

Are you married? Get a solicitor and figure out what your options are with the house. Buy him out or sell, just get rid of him.

fruitpastillelolly · 17/07/2021 19:46

No, not married. Not sure if that's a good thing or not!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2021 19:57

I think it's a VERY good thing you aren't married, he can't get a single £ from you. Just figure out the house situation as quickly as you possibly can. You should not be living this way.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/07/2021 19:59

Not married is absolutely perfect. Just get the house on the market, sell, take your half and you're done.

Wavingwillowtree · 17/07/2021 20:00

Relieved for everyone’s sake that there are no DC involved...

You can either leave or make him leave.
Split your possessions and
Argue over the cats I guess??

Good luck with your new life!

HollowTalk · 17/07/2021 20:41

I really feel for you. Do you have any shared accounts?

fruitpastillelolly · 17/07/2021 20:52

Thanks everyone :) You're making me feel much better. Keep swinging between feeling sorry for myself, feeling angry with him, and feeling like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

We have a joint account, @HollowTalk, but both get paid into our personal ones.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 17/07/2021 22:03

Just get him out, buy him out, get rid. He’s a total waste of space. You deserve better.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2021 22:20

Can you afford to buy him out?

fruitpastillelolly · 17/07/2021 22:37

No, I think we’d have to sell up. He can’t afford to live here on his own, or buy me out. I could probably borrow more to buy him out, but I’m not that bothered about the house.

OP posts:
YesILikeItToo · 17/07/2021 22:46

Just a heads up that the law is not the same in Scotland, where there is the possibility of co-habitants making financial claims when the relationship ends.

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