Divorce and name change- what is normal thing to do?

[Aprilinspringtimeshower]

Hi
I have divorced after 30 years of marriage. 2 grown up sons, who are independent. Divorce was “friendly”, and easy and quick. I don’t hate my ex! I don’t regret getting married in first place. I took my husbands name on marriage

So I am only using my maiden name for some online stuff. I’m then still using my married name. A few people have asked me, and asked why I don’t change. They seem surprised. I sort of waffle it because of the kids- but they’re independent anyway and it’s not really a valid argument now ( would be if they were still at home/education). Someone else suggested that They changed their name becuase otherwise it was stopping them moving on and accepting their marriage was over.

I’m sort of in 2 minds. My own father went NC with me over 10 years ago , which caused me a lot of distress and led to depression. So I’m not anxious to switch my name from one Patriarchal practice to another.

I’m also unclear how you change your name back legally? Does the decree absolute give me rights to simply just use my birth certificate only to re-register my name with official records or financial institutes? Or do they have to see the marriage and divorce certs?

I’m just interested in what others views are on why they changed their name back to their maiden name or even something else ? And what you had to do , to be able to use it again officially?

I can't think of anyone off hand that has divorced and changed their name back to their maiden name.

The divorced women I know kept their married surname, either so that it matched their children's surnames or simply because after however many years it felt like their surname.

Of course some hadn't changed their name on marriage so it wasn't an issue.

I changed my name by deed poll online, £12. No one had any issues with it!

I’d just say that you’ve your married name longer than your maiden name so you’re keeping it.

@MiddlesexGirl

But keeping your own name generally means keeping your father's name so it's still patriarchal. I'm in favour of choosing something completely different. Maybe something that has meaning.

This interests me. When someone takes their husband’s name, using this logic they’re taking their father-in-law’s name. But we never ever say that. Men ‘own’ their names even though they inherit them from their fathers.

If my husbands name is his, and not his dad’s, then the same is true for my name, surely.

Deed polls can be done for free though if the Home Office or other nations passports are involved, there may be costs.

I used basically the format in the link and took it to a solicitor because for a US passport it has to be a statutory declaration. 4 stamped printed out versions cost me £20 (I think 1 would have been £7 but I wanted multiple copies) and 15 minutes. It was expensive to change my BRP, but the rest of it is just time with some being easier than others. HMRC was a quick online form, my GP's surgery was a pain in the butt with ever changing 'protocols' on it that took months to get through, most of it was a few minutes and showing them the deed poll or new ID just so they could tick off they'd seen something with the new name on it.

But then, I used a passport with a previous name on it for over a decade as ID and no one ever batted an eye except the Home Office which is why I went and got a deed poll. It's very easy to use multiple names in the UK as you wish, all of the ones you use are yours.

@Popetthetreehugger

I went back to my original name , my friend took her dads nick name that he was always known by . You will need to deed pole … and keep the original paperwork as some places are arses about it 🤷‍♀️

That is not true. You don't need to deed poll to change back to your maiden name from your married name. And that is because you wouldn't have needed to deed poll to change from your maiden name to your married name on your wedding day. All you do to take on a married name is sign your marriage certificate. Likewise, the decree absolute is proof that the marriage certificate you signed is now null and void. No deed poll involved or required at any point in the process.

I changed back to my maiden name as soon as the divorce was finalised. I just felt that I was no longer mrs or ms married name.

Changing back was easy enough, each company was clear on what id they needed.

I didn't change my name to my husband's on marriage. A few years later I decided to, and also changed my first and middle names. So I did that by deed poll. I think it was £15. Then after I left I changed my middle and surnames to what they'd been at birth and used the same deed poll template so that cost me nothing.

At the time I wanted nothing to do with my ex husband's surname but regret it a bit now. I was also trying out a variety of surnames, but became too exhausted trying to decide in the end!!!

I think the rules about deed polls have changed? All I needed was one witness.

You don’t need to do a Deed Poll OR produce a decree absolute to use the name on your birth certificate.

Just use the name and produce your birth certificate as evidence. And fill in as appropriate the aerial status tick boxes and ‘are you known by any other names’.

Your name is determined legally on 3 documents surely: birth certificate, marriage certificate, or deed poll.

Your marriage certificate doesn't "determine" anything about a name, whatever that is. Plenty of women don't change their names on marriage. I'm in the process of divorcing after over twenty years, and never took his name.