Online affair - please help

[LittleMermaidRose]

I'm feeling all sorts of emotions, I'm so upset, happy, excited, disgusted. I'm so confused and have been in a complete mix up. I feel like I'm having an online affair. I've been with my current partner, who I love dearly, for almost 10 years. I have made such a big mistake here and I don't know how I let it happen.

I've done something really stupid - I started chatting with a random man (I'll call him Joe) online through Instagram. He lives in a different country, is quite a bit older than me, has his own life/kids etc.

The only reason I started chatting to him was because I have just recently went through a friend breakup, which has been really hard on me emotionally. It was nice to make a new friend, it felt as though I was filling that void.
I hadn't ever intended on making a new friend - I actually gave a fake name, age and location, so he has no idea who I really am.

This only started three weeks ago, but I think I have fallen for him. I don't know how it has happened as we hardly know each other.
Even though nothing sexual has happened, and our conversations have been on a very superficial level, I feel like I'm cheating on my partner. I feel so guilty, but I don't want to lose this new friend I've made.

I also want to tell Joe who I really am, because I actually really like him and want to have him as a friend, but I feel like I'm way too deep into this lie I've created. I don't think he will want to stay friends with me. I don't even know why I told the lies in the first place!!

I know the easiest thing to do would probably be just to block Joe and move on with my life, but I just find that so hard to do.
I'm just feeling so confused and upset. I don't even know why I started these lies.
I know I'm grieving my lost friendship with my old friend, but I just feel like my emotions are just out of control. This is all I can think about.

I'm sorry, this is more of a rant. Has any one else been in a similar situation? I just feel like such an awful person, I've done so much wrong in such a short amount of time. I really don't want to tell my partner. I just don't understand how I've become so invested with Joe so suddenly.

Any advice is greatly appreciated, even if you just want to tell me how terrible I am. Maybe I just need to give my head a shake.

So you have already lost a friend and decided the best way to deal with that was to kind of betray your DP?
There's a common denominator in these 2 situations. Sounds like you've hit self-destructive.
I've been where your DP is, it's not nice. Ask yourself how you would feel if your DP was doing the same. If the answer is you wouldn't care then maybe this relationship is over too. If you would care if your DP did the same then you need to stop this now before someone gets hurt.

Grow up OP, you sound like a 12 year old. You haven’t fallen for a random stranger who you’ve never met after 3 weeks. Just stop talking to him

You can't possible fall for someone you've never met. You can't know someone when you've told them lies about who you are (and very likely they have done the same).

This isn't a friendship and never could be.

If you are willing to lie to your DP about this, and to risk losing your DP, then perhaps you shouldn't be together.