I don't know what to do.

[RedOliver77x]

This may seem a little long and I apologise. I really dont know where else to turn. im 31, my husband is 33 we have been married 9 years we have 6 children together. We have been through so much. Since we have been married, I have been poorly. Long story short, I was told I would never have a baby again (I didnt want to conceive anyway) however I fell pregnant and I carried the baby, I lost my mum and my dad, my grandfather and my mental health took a beating. I made the decision at the time to place my baby for adoption. A decision I spoke to my husband about who as always showed no emotion , told me he would stick by me whatever I wanted. I didn't make the decision over night and my partner signed papers. I'm the last 2 years more things have happened, we have both lost friends due to death, our landlord sold our house, we have bad luck constantly with our car, my partners job. It's just life but it feels like we are constantly fighting something. This month my cousin killed herself and the day before her funeral at a routine hospital appointment I found out I was pregnant but the baby was dead. I have spent 3 days in hospital to induce the labour to deliver to baby. I came home yesterday, my partner has been supportive to sole degree but he wont go near mem give me a hug or anything. Tonight he went out for his friends birthday. Not a close friend, just someone he knows through people. I was initially upset because I just wanted him at home with me and the kids but he said he wasnt going to drink and would be home at 10. However he came home at 11 (I know this isnt too late) absolutely steaming. He can tell I was annoyed and he had kicked off.

Hes started shouting how I should ask any other man if they would of stuck around with all "the shit" I have brung to the relationship" he doesnt see the point of me and him. Hes half an hour late and I'm over reacting. Hes thrown up all over my bed, in his glass of water. I know hes drunk but I'm really hurt. I feel like I've sat and delivered our dead baby and spent 3 days in pain for him to go out get hammered and coke home and abuse.me

If he says all this stuff drunk I know he feels it sober, I'm.not sure if we should be together anymore.

I guess my first question is, are you not on birth control, and if not, why not?

Your husband said he would not drink and would be home by 10 and then broke both promises. It's not unreasonable for you to be upset about that.

And having read your post again, take him up on his offer to end the relationship since he himself says there's no point in it and doesn't respect you.

You need to get out of this relationship and I think you know that. He's not supporting you at your lowest and just adding to your pain.

Have you thought about having a sterilisation and just stop having babies when your life is so chaotic.
Your life is in chaos and this is no place to bring more children into.
You need to start taking control of your life and not just being a passive participant.
Getting pregnant does not mean you will be loved more it will just bring more mess and chaos into your life.

Sorry for your losses

You need to stop getting pregnant. If getting pregnant is such a massive disaster for your relationship, do you not use proper contraception (pulling out, calendar method etc is not really contraception)?

Your husband sounds massively overwhelmed but thats no excuse to be an arsehole. Get rid of him and get some therapy for yourself. Sounds like a terrible mess all round.

I am so sorry for your losses OP.

A decent man would have been staying home and looking after you last night. Not going out on the piss and then throwing up. (And in fact even a drunken bloke can manage to hit the toilet when puking and not scattershot his vomit everywhere.)

If someone gave you a magic wand and it could give you your ideal living conditions with just a wave and no hard work, what would that look like? Would your H (your actual H, not your picture of him as his ideal self) be in that picture?

Just to confirm when everyone is banging in judgementally about birth control. I was told I wouldnt carry a baby because of my condition hence why my baby died. I'm not having kids to save my marriage. My 6 children were planned and born before my "chaotic" life.

I'm a bit confused, you put one baby up for adoption and then got pregnant again? Or is it the same baby who passed away before birth?

I think people are asking about birth control because two unexpected pregnancies have, sadly, caused you a lot of pain, and contraception is something you can control yourself quite quickly and straightforwardly.

Regarding your husband - i can imagine it would be vrry hurtful and disappointing for him to behave in that way when you were looking for some support and comfort.

Have you ever had any counselling individually or together, and/or did you get any treatment for your mental health when it suffered. You've had quite a bit of trauma and it may help to talk to someone about how you feel, to help you decide what you want to do.

I agree with the others about contraception... You need to sort this out. This seems to be a huge source of trouble for you. Sorry if that's hard to hear but this is the internet, you tend to get straightforward and direct answers online.

Honestly nitpicking about being an hour late from a birthday party is silly, who cares.

Now obviously he was quite drunk though and if that's a regular occurrence it's definitely not okay. Did you ask him not to go? Or did you just keep that to yourself?

Anyway none of that matters as much as what he said to you when he was drunk. That's pretty hurtful what he said and you both need to sit down and talk about it.