How to help rebuild confidence after unfaithful DH has died

[PatchworkSilver]

My dad died recently. His relationship with my mum was punctuated by his affairs. She didn’t leave though was close to it sometimes. Many people think he was just fantastic.. he was in some aspects. But my mum has been left reflecting on a long marriage that was far from perfect. I feel cross with him for leaving us to pick up the pieces... and I’ve also found that he was having another affair in the lead up to his death. My mum most recently said she wouldn’t want to know about any more affairs...So I feel stuck with this. I think I’m just looking for any advice on anyone who’s been there, or anyone who has been cheated on... as to how I can help my mum build herself. And how to let go of what I know.

Definitely don’t tell your mum, she doesn’t want to know and there’s no point kicking her when she’s down. If you need to talk about that aspect, maybe find a counsellor.. or a good friend?
As for building her up, she needs new, good memories without your dad in them. So try to do meals out, days out, get her friends over, book a holiday. It will hurt for a while but the more good memories she has without him, the more she can move on from the pain he caused. And in time, you can think more about his amazing qualities, and less about the pain he left you all with

Well you can’t let go of what you know.
And your mum made a choice.

My only advice would be to get a therapist to work through all of this, it’s deeply traumatic and very hard to deal with it, I give you all my sympathies.

I would also try and separate your relationship with your dad as a daughter? But I reckon only a therapist will be able to help you disentangle that.