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To not trust now

5 replies

Fairyxdance · 15/07/2021 16:39

I was with my children's dad for 8 years but we just grew apart.

I eventually started dating a 15 year older man. Really trusted him and have him my 100%. He turned out to be fake and full of lies. Hurt emotionally alot of people including exes, past lovers, family and children. He was that messed up I couldn't even explain what was wrong with him. Just as he was telling me he loved me he started to change. Lie. I discovered alot of hidden truths.

It's been 6 weeks since I cut him out my life. I am over him although I do still go over parts of it. A couple of weeks ago I told myself I was open to new people. As friends and lovers. I just wanted to feel positive about new people and learning about them.

I'm nothing special. I get abit of Interest through Facebook though now as I'm single. 99% of men who send me a little private message I don't answer. Because I don't find them attractive or I remember them from hanging around with my sister in the bus stop back in 2003 and now they are ageing badly and I knowing they snogged my sister is a no (only two of them were this era)

But last night after 6 people have contacted me since last month a nice looking local man messaged me. But I just didn't trust it instantly. He's got 950 friends and he asked me in the 3rd message if I wanted to Snapchat him and he would me. I don't use Snapchat. He's 8 months younger than me and asked if that bothered me too. I kinda sensed he was trying to move me straight onto photos of rude parts. He suggested I sent him a cheeky smile on Facebook instead and I jokingly sent him an emoji and said that will have to do I'm in bed (10.45pm)

He said talk again soon and i said ok that would be nice. Nothing yet. I just don't know. I'm 33 and I have two kids. I don't play on Snapchat anymore and I don't like all this pressure to send pictures and prove you are sexy. It instantly makes me think I'll never be enough in real life if they want all the action online.

It's so hard to click with people now. It always feels like I attract chancers that are messaging loads of pretty filtered faces, even at my age. It's like living in a teenage world and I hate it.

Should I just give up and hope I meet someone out and about? Online just feels naff. But then again my clubbing days are over!

OP posts:
something2say · 15/07/2021 16:44

No dont give up hope. I agree about pics and stupid online stuff. Just see what happens. But you do know that you're set to put your heart out there again right, with all it entails? Reading your words, I'm wondering whether a year off might be better for you??

Fairyxdance · 15/07/2021 16:49

Do you know what? I just want someone to ask some questions before trying to get me to be sexy for them. I think they'd the biggest problem.

He kinda went straight in for Snapchat and after that I made my excuses. I did speak to him a tiny bit first about the fact I was single.

I kind of feel like I'd be fine without it at the moment too. So I could wait. But I feel like I am just not made to compete in today's dating world. I could easily put a filter over my photo and I look ok. Because I am slim and I've lost all my baby weight. From a distance I look in shape. But up close I have a wrinkly belly from my babies. Stretch marks and stuff too. I'm just not into misleading someone I barely know I'm flawless but by the same token I don't want to be showing of my lesd than perfect parts to a stranger who isnt going to want to see that.

It feels like so many men want to see how far you'll go for for them.

OP posts:
Fairyxdance · 15/07/2021 16:57

Sorry for the typo x

OP posts:
Stigofthedump40 · 15/07/2021 21:20

Just steer clear of them sorts.. not all men are like that and you just got to find the decent ones .. set your bar high and stick to what you want and how you want to be treated and the right man will meet it

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/07/2021 21:29

@Stigofthedump40

Just steer clear of them sorts.. not all men are like that and you just got to find the decent ones .. set your bar high and stick to what you want and how you want to be treated and the right man will meet it
This. He's asked you to perform for him essentially, as if he is auditioning you. Bleurgh. As PP there really are decent blokes out there, so it's good in a way when these gross ones show their hand early and you can bin them off.
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