DH has left, feeling like i'm on an emotional roller coaster.

[happybythesea]

Following on from my previous thread - Is my DH being unreasonable, or am I?

DH left Monday for an international job.

Since he's left he has been so up and down with me and I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster.

It started when i finished work the day he left and noticed he hadn't messaged to say boarding now, take care kind of thing. I don't check my phone at work.
I arrive home to my son saying Dad can Whatsapp and he had been receiving messages all day. I was put out by this as i'd made it clear how devastated i was by this whole situation, but i'd said to him please make an effort to stay in touch (just for reassurance).

He seems really angry with me, he says he's dealing with anxiety and panic attacks since he's left and is pushing me away and blaming me for everything. He had a panic attack while driving over there, but again tried to blame me.

He's never really bothered to ask how i'm dealing with things, he will ask my son how i'm doing but not me.

We have sent a few emails back and forth with us trying to discuss the situation we are in and trying to find a resolution.
I'm still pretty adamant at this time i don't want a long-distance relationship, and i'm having trouble with saying i'll move to be with him as i feel like he brought all this on himself and that i'm the one who is expected to make all the sacrafices.

We face timed and that went well, he seems to do okay with getting emails as i feel you can explain things more so than in texts.

We tried a phone call to discuss things and it was horrible, i try and explain my feelings and now resentment and he simply doesn't want to acknowledge and calls me hormonal and difficult.

What truly hurts the most is i have a breast screening tomorrow as i found a lump a few weeks ago. DH dismissed it at the time as he had referred to google and I didn't show certain symptoms other than the lump, so in his opinion it couldn't be cancer. I had a doctor's appointment a week or so back and DH seemed put out that the doctor hadn't said it was nothing. I guess he didn't want to feel guilty about leaving. I've spoken to a couple of friends and they can't believe that he's ok with me going through this alone.

I have so many emotions right now....

What are my next steps?

I need to add, the reason I changed my mind about joining him initially is that I knew I couldn't make any clear plans until i know my health is ok.
Nothing wakes you up more than a health scare.

If both of you are in the space of thinking just about yourself and your own victimhood in the situation it will be near impossible to make a decision that’s in both your interests.

Both were f you are looking to guilt trip each other. Must be emotionally exhausting for the two of you.

*both of you

I think you should divorce and get on with your own life.

Both as bad as each other. From reading your posts I think your marriage is over.

Thank you, I do actually appreciate your replies.
I understand I'm in an incredibly emotional state and highly sensitive with everything going on.

I do feel I need to learn and grow from it.

Don’t beat yourself up but please understand that the two of you are in a place where neither are truly ready to reach across and compromise. It may be that the relationship has run its course.

This is tough. My DP works away a lot (forces) and we have had to really work hard on communication and what we both need from each other when we're apart. We have found you have to be very blunt in spelling it out - "I am having a crap day, this is why, and here is what I need from you"- I can't rely on him to "pick up on" my feelings, however obvious I may think they are, from email! Yesterday for example I really wanted to talk to him, but didn't actually say, and I went to bed annoyed that we hadn't spoken but the truth is, I hadn't asked. And of course sometimes you have a crap day and you DON'T want to talk about it... time zones don't help either.
Maybe he is in denial about your health scare because he is clinging to the hope that you will be OK. Good luck 💐